Monday, November 09, 2009
Turn and Face the Change
I needed clarity in my life. I was too close to the center to see clearly.There are several ways I go about this: getting out of my rut/pattern and changing up the scenery, lunch with a friend, reading something up-lifting, writing on my blog, paying attention to the signs the Universe sends me... it's about perspective. Getting sick can even break up the mental rut and force me to stop and take stock (which I also did). It's good for us all to have options, and to know what works and when.
Lately, I've been brain tired and body tired. I knew none of the above was enough. So I sought outside help.
I happen to know a very grounded, talented, authentic psychic. Now let's be clear... she's not the kind that tells you your Aunt Esther has 6 months to live or who tries to pump you for clues as to what to say to you. I think these garden variety faker fortune-tellers are rather obvious (and there were actually a couple at the New Orleans themed Wrap Party this weekend whom friends told me were terrible), but they are not the real deal.
My reading took an hour, and at the end of it, I had a very clear sense of a battle plan to get me through the next year. I saw clearly what it was I was doing to keep myself stuck, and I had many ideas and suggestions to pin my hopes to as well.
I need to become the friend who calls at the last minute, not cancels at the last minute. Spontaneous choices instead of rigid planning. I give away our free time at the drop of a hat. When I see free time, I fill it with events or agree to do things with friends. I have no time for me, no extra time to plan, no time to do something spontaneous and no time to relax. With B's crazy schedule, I have worried that people would get mad at us for not being available. But, I realize now, it won't matter to those who matter. So, I am no longer going to plan things even a week out if I don't absolutely have to. This will allow me to breathe.
B and I have so little time, that the 2 or 3 evening hours we do spend together are spent unwinding and catching up. There's no time left over for being in the present together, for talking or enjoying the idea of things to come. There's no time just to be.
I also have a habit of trouble-shooting problems that don't exist. Preparing for the worst. That's sort of like loading the boat with so many life-vests there's no room for things the boat and passengers actually need. I need to bring myself back to the present. It's simply not necessary. Preparation is good, but too much is strangling.
I need to remember that all of us are sign-posts for others as well. Sometimes our example is not a comfortable one for everyone, but we have to be that anyway, or we rob them of an opportunity. I am who I am.
I've been trying so hard to be all things to all people, that I'm not focusing on what I need to be. Examples: When I'm in a work-social situation, I'm always thinking about reflecting well on my husband's reputation. When I'm with friend A, I have a list of things to avoid, and when with friend Z, I have an entirely different list to avoid, and of course I just keep quiet with friend W. I have friends who don't know what I believe about the world and reality, and other friends to whom I can talk freely or who aren't interested. All of this balancing and variety is normal for all of us, but I have so much diversity I feel pulled in too many directions. A life spent trying not to ruffle feathers just gets me down (get it??). I'll be much more well-adjusted if I stop trying to adjust so much.
Could I have gotten this info from someone other than a psychic? For those who listen, life finds a way to get through to us one way or another. The message is always more important than the messenger. My reading was about learning more about myself, not predicting the future. Or rather, protecting the future from the present.
It's been a very enlightening week and I have a lot to think about.
~Shephard :)
posted by Shephard @ 