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Monday, October 26, 2009
My Inner Grandma
Sometimes I'm just not sure what to make of the mystery of it all.
Things that make sense to me might be cold comfort or trite to others. I can't make sense of why someone gets cancer, and why others like Bernie Madoff do not. Not that I'm saying I want that man to get cancer, but I'm just using him as a reference for justice/injustice. I just know that I'm so happy my good friend survived and triumphed over breast cancer, but my heart goes out to those who lose loved ones.
I'm a creature of meaning. That's kind of like a creature of habit, but my habit is searching for meaning. Meaning makes my life breathe. I'm not interested in proof, just understanding. I will look for meaning, because to me, living my life without seeing the meaningfulness is empty. So I choose to find meaning, rather than chaos.
I look at someone like B's wonderful Nana.
She's 93, I believe. This woman inspires me. I wish she didn't live so far away. She has lost a husband and siblings, and she accepts whatever life tosses her way, and comes up grateful. It seems to me that maybe she decided long ago that it wasn't important to understand everything, and to embrace the world for what it is without taking it personally and becoming a victim. I think we need the wisdom of those elders who not only survive but thrive and flourish. Imagine a woman who is full of life and you hear the color and laughter in her voice when she speaks... that's B's Nana. I'm not saying she isn't human; I'm saying her attitude about people and life is one of the healthiest I can think of.
My own grandmothers are long gone.
One was a mean-spirited bible-thumper who contracted Alzheimer's, and the other drank her liver to death. So I'm afraid matriarchal wisdom does not run in my family.
My own mom turns 80 in a week, a grandma several times over, and has never quite understood people or life. I'm constantly trying to help her understand the motives and choices of others. I realized last week after a very small "altercation" with her, that I have never actually heard her say the words "I was wrong." Or even gestures that represent it. She equates being wrong with being bad or lesser than, so she can never be wrong. Luckily, she has a very generous heart, so she's never abusive with it. But she's never quite figured out that being wrong is just human, and we're all wrong once in a while. Being wrong makes you not only human, but empathetic and sympathetic, and that gracefully acknowledging it gives those around you the freedom to be themselves.
The photo above hangs in my kitchen; it makes me smile.I found it a travel brochure for Germany. Someone got to have that grandma with that smile and those crinkly eyes and those big soft arms. In my mind, she smells like lavender and cake batter. I hope she is or was as fun as she looks.
I didn't get that grandma this time, but I'm starting to realize she's my "inner grandma." She's that voice in my head that tells me that I don't have to understand all of life to find meaning. That, if I embrace the world for what it is, instead of constantly being disappointed in what the world is not, that I will be happier. Perhaps like B's Nana.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 
Monday, October 19, 2009
Go Forward, Move Ahead, Try to Detect it, It's Not too Late
Last week I met a friend for coffee.I walked out of the coffee place after four hours,
feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
The ingredients:
A car sideswiped us on the freeway
and it became all about helping that person
An old friend from 15 years ago found me last week on FB
Another old friend from 20 years ago found me this week on FB
An argument with Mom because I wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear
Two different visits with two dear friends I don't see very often
A wonderful lunch with a new friend
Balancing older relationships with newer ones
An upcoming event that's at a bad time
Balancing appropriateness with others
(I know that's vague, sorry)
Two instances of being involved in High-School-like behavior (wth?)
A continuous unpredictable pace (for the last 2.5 years)
that will continue for an entire year more
Sharing all this over Jasmine Tea Coolers and orange scones with a balanced friend.
The repetitive pattern for me is that my past is demanding attention. I'm not really talking about those old friends I reconnected with; that's just the Universe's way of getting me to focus on my PAST being the issue. I'm talking about how much importance I give the past.
I realized in talking with my friend that I chose to give the past importance. I chose to make the struggle important.... It's actually not important at all. And my good friend suggested why not just be unavailable to the past? Why not just let go of all those beliefs about the past, about life, relationships, the world that don't add to your healthy perspective? Pay more attention to what feeds me than what needs me, for a change. It seemed so simple.
Maybe all this had to come to a head while B & I were stretched and tired. We're not unhappy, just tired. We put the oars down awhile ago, and have been letting the Mouse row. Row away, Mouse, I'm happy to float. We don't have the energy or resources to fight the current. I had to get that tired to realize I can't keep one foot forward, one foot back. Embrace the salutary, let go of the rest. And those who need the past will have to get it from some other source now.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
Where else but Vegas could you take a photo of a gold lamé Elvis talking to a bicycle cop in front of a stretch Hummer limousine (a "hummosine")? For all its garishness and its reputation of being "Sin City," I always find plenty of beauty and humor in this town.
From the air... the promise of glitz and entertainment is palpable.
Our friends from France, Kido & Boulu, found things to be very entertaining at The Paris Hotel & Resort. :) I think they were surprised at how charming it could be. Certainly not the charm that comes from the real city, but a sort of very brief, cleaned-up, colorful hommage to Paris.
I love this shot... it looks like it could be outside, not inside the casino!
Ditto.
Above the casino floor, on the bridge to the Eiffel Tower elevator.
View from the top, looking down at the Bellagio fountains... which were not working that day. Maybe the economy forces them to only operate the fountains at night? 
A replica of a fountain which I remember seeing near The Tuileries and Champs Elysees in Paris last January. So strange to now visit this resort after having been to Paris.
As we walked through the resort, our friends told us about the real buildings the resort was paying hommage to, which added to the experience.
I love the colorful garden in The Wynn Resort. And the tiled floor is just as colorful.
Two bars... Umbrella Up, and Umbrella Down. 
The ceiling near the Atrium Garden in Bellagio. 
A Lion in front of Caesar's Palace
Two happy Frenchmen and one naked Italian, Caesar's Palace.
I have a hard time remembering the name of this bar... I remember having Coconut Margarita's there with our friend Pam. We just call it "The Mermaid Bar" and we know which place each other is referring to (but it's actually called The Seahorse Lounge).
If you go to Vegas... I can't recommend this restaurant more emphatically. Bradley Ogden is a fantastic restaurant.
Poured at the table: Sweet Yellow Corn Soup, made with spiced popcorn, corn relish and lemon verbena... so yummy!
Above... Roasted Petaluma Free-Range Chicken, Panzanilla salad with toasted pinenuts and pesto sauce. Flavor, flavor, flavor!
And complimentary dessert (tho we ordered some additional desserts as well)... Butterscotch Mousse with toasted pumpkin seeds. To die for. Classy place, efficient and courteous staff. Lovely meal with friends. :)
Hotel room view. :)We ventured to the north end of the strip for the first time, to see the famed Fremont Street Experience....
...tho seeing the souvenir Light Up Jesus and Mary plates was also an experience. I know when I think of Vegas, light up Jesus & Mary plates always comes to mind.
Neon reigns supreme down in Old Vegas & Fremont Street (Cabs reign supreme also, as it cost $50 to get there and back).
I just love the color of it all.
Um. No comment.
The Fremont Street Experience is an expansive ceiling of luminous LED lights going the full distance of the street! Every hour they do a little show, always themed. Lucky us, we were ther for ....
... the KISS tribute.
Famous iconic neon signs of Old Vegas.... If I had to live in the Old West, it would have to be Glitter Gulch. 
How would you like to wear this to work? (a bar in Caesar's Palace)
They are always building in Vegas. This is the new multi-hotel complex that takes up a massive area of frontage on The Strip. They've been working on it for years. The model above shows the finished design. I think they're getting close to completion now.
Rubbing the Sphinx's paw for good luck, at the Luxor Hotel Casino.
The Giant Golden Lion on the MGM Grand Hotel Casino (taken from a moving car).
Sunset from the airplane ride home...It was a 24-hour whirlwind trip to Vegas (we're only 45 min by plane). When our friends return to visit us, we will go back for 3 full days and nights and show them even more.
If you missed Part One, click *here* for some surprises.
~Shephard :)