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Sunday, December 27, 2009
Strengthening the Resolve
Perhaps that's the biggest resolution anyone can make. I keep thinking about it. This year I realized that I had one foot in the past and one foot in my present, and it wasn't allowing me to move forward. Not only with my perspectives and relationships, but with my writing. I realized that holding onto these past things was keeping me from moving forward. I don't think we think about how we hold ourselves back very often. OR sometimes, we don't want to let go for fear of how hard it will be to move forward. I could spend the next year dissecting that one.
Family, people in general. Not that I want to change everyone, but you can't help but mentally go there when say, a person doesn't realize the impact they have on the world around them and it affects your life, your job, your choices.
But... how about even for the things that annoy me? There are always two sides to the coin.
Two very personal examples: Children and Religion.
Technically, it isn't children who annoy me, but the lack of good parenting skills (that said, I can tell you hands down, my mother could have been Mother Theresa and it wouldn't have made my middle sister a better person). But I realize that a good percentage of adults would lose touch with the depth or capacity to love and feel compassion if they didn't have their own children to remind and help them stay connected.
Religion is behind every war on the planet --if not its nucleus, a fundamental support in it. But without the beliefs that a god punishes and rewards, a lot of barriers to decency would dissolve. So... I'm grateful that religion is there to give at least a skewed moral compass. So, sometimes, even the things that annoy us, or even persecute us, hold a higher (if temporary) purpose.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
The Beetles of Gratitude
For my birthday this August, I got a lovely bright blue cabinet to put our dishes in, a kind of a small hutchy thing with glass doors. It's a beautiful old handmade piece from India, in a brilliant blue with age-worn wood showing through, tons of character...and for Christmas, I got a thriving condominium for Wood-Boring Beetles. Lucky us. Boring Beetles. We never get the interesting kind.
Said cabinet now adorns the interior of our garage until its appointment to be bombarded with beetle-annihilating boron gas. If it had to be beetles, why couldn't it have been this lovely Christmas Beetle below... even the timing would have been appropriate.
I found a handyman to move the piece to the garage (using the fab referral service Angie's List), made the appointment for the gas blast 26 miles from here a month from now, and arranged for the handman to transport to and fro. I found a new place for all the dishes and things that were inside the cabinet (not easy), and relocated the decor from the top of the cabinet. I did feel the urge to just let go of it all... dishes, cabinet, etc. I honestly wouldn't have felt a huge remorse. I'd have blessed it and sent it on its way. But I found a middle ground. Until the pest guy calls me to inform me if these are the kinds of beetles who re-infest, or run their course.
What does it all mean?
My process:
This is a small problem; it could have been a plumbing problem, or a gas leak, or being stalked by a clown-fan, a canceled trip to Hawaii, a Nicholas Cage movie marathon, or killer bees. It could have been health problems or sadness or tragedy. But it's just expensive and inconvenient. So I'll embrace it gratefully. I made it all work out just fine, so I win.
The beetles have reminded me that I am ready to let go of stuff. That I am tired of carrying all these things around. Time to let go of things that absorb space or weigh me down.
I thought of this almost immediately, because we just saw the above George Clooney movie. The character led a seminar where he asked you to imagine a bag on your back, now put all your stuff in it, everything you own, every piece of furniture and tchatchke, and now put all the rest of your life in it, all your relationships and obligations, etc, and now feel the weight of it all. And I thought, the less things, the less complications. That's what the beetles were saying. That, and... the love you take is equal to the love you make. Koo koo kajoo.
So, if you're keeping score at home, counting the movie, that's TWO promptings to lighten our load. After all, we hope to be moving in the next 6 months. And while I'm grateful for the beetles, it's just one more thing we don't need to take with us to the next house.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Monday, December 14, 2009
Decorating My Memories
I asked B the other day if he thought that liking sparklie things was genetic. Might sound like a bizarre thing to ask someone, but I was thinking... where the heck did I get this and why? Nature/Nurture? It certainly wasn't nurtured, though it might be a response to counter my boring childhood. Before you go there, I'll save you the trouble: I don't actually think it has anything to do with being gay. I know plenty of gay people who aren't drawn to sparklie or colorful things. And as far as I know there aren't any magpies in my family tree.
This weekend, we watched the movie "Fantastic Mr. Fox," and then B ended up buying the soundtrack, which contained an eclectic mix of stuff including 3 Burl Ives songs. They triggered memories for me, and thru iTunes I found a CD version of an old LP I had as a child. I listened to every single sample, and it brought back the strangest melancholy... I remembered what it felt like to be me back then, listening to those songs in my drab bedroom and boring childhood.
I'm sure there are kids who would have found the quiet boredom of my rural childhood soothing. But not me. At age 4, I had already decided to help my parents out by peeling off the hideous wallpaper in my room (while standing in my crib... yep, I actually remember doing it). As a child, whenever I was sick, my dad bought me coloring books, and I'd color every single page. Birthdays and Christmas usually meant more coloring books. And I loved felt-markers, and had a Pentel set of 72 colors (I still do). Something in me was pushing me towards all that color.
Funny how those Burl Ives children's songs conjured melancholy memories. I realized, that the memories that will now be conjured in my far-off twilight years will not be the melancholy ones from childhood, but rather, the ones from my colorful, adventurous and expressive adult life. If I continue to decorate my memories, when I look back, what I'll see will be full of life and color. Granted, I do get made fun of once in a while for liking sparklie things or bright colors, but that's ok, because I won't be remembering that in my old age. I'll just remember the colorful life I've had.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Monday, December 07, 2009
Too Much Status Quo
Our communities have a cumulative impact on us.I try to remember to check in, and take a closer look at what I've been absorbing.
The urge to just give up and go with the flow can be hard to resist. Sometimes the wear and tear begins to push me in a cynical direction. It takes courage and determination not to oblige the status quo. Who can blame any of us? It's much easier to be cynical. Being cynical does not require a skill-set or a plan of action or even determination. Cynicism just requires we sit back and point fingers.
It's a response to the cumulative impact of my circle, my community. I chose using a forceful word like impact for a reason. We can only go up against the current for so long before it wears on us in some way. It's like we're a mud puddle in the rain, and we can't help but respond to the battery of rain drops.
What am I choosing to focus on? Like at Christmas, I choose to ignore the commercialism as if it were just peripheral noise. Because who says it has to be anything else other than peripheral noise? But what if I work retail or this year I'm hit hard by the economy? Then I have good reason to feel the impact more heavily than others. Then it's up to me to resist the current, and find a focus that helps me avoid the cynicism and negativity. Because honestly, how will any of the resentment or cynicism help me feel better?
So when I find I've absorbed too much of the status quo, I need a tune-up. Not because I did anything wrong or because I'm a bad person, but because it's just part of living with other human beings to absorb each other's stuff. I can choose to monitor and adjust my focus and my reactions to this... or I can choose to be absorbed by the current. I may need to take a short break before I begin the tune-up. I may need to recharge first. But I have these great friends to rely on who can offer a distraction, a kind word, good company, a cup of cocoa. :) When I get into a happier space, I can see more obviously where I've absorbed too much status quo.
For me personally, holiday commercialism is water off my back, but I thought it was an example that was broad enough not to offend anyone. Over the course of the last few weeks, I've managed to find myself again and stop worrying about the social status quo around me. This time of year is normally a time where I guard against cumulative impact pretty easily. I will need to remember to take this with me into January and the New Year. Christmas is a season of great reminders and practice.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Time-Honored
Peace, Hope and Faith
Fall and Winter have always been about enduring and focusing on future hopes. Winter used to be a bleak and hard time full of darker skies, and it is a long-standing tradition to remember and be grateful during this time, and know that everything is temporary. The history of winter celebrations that fall on or near December is a long one. The Islamic tradition of Ramadan, the Celtic celebration of The Winter Solstice, and even Roman and Greek celebrations in tribute to parts of their pantheon.
Wars, battles, and squabbles would often be halted by extreme weather, and people would reflect on higher priorities for the future. Peace and goodwill toward men in the deep of winter is a traditional hope at this time of year, celebrated with light and color.
Christmas Trees
Romans, Greeks, Celts and Druids all have histories of decorating trees and evergreen boughs in and outside the home that scholars say stretches as far back as 700 years before the birth of any Christian-based religion.
Traditions vary, but include putting shiny metal decorations and candles and even presents/offerings tied to boughs and branches. This time of renewal and hope was epitomized by the evergreen and the yule log. I enjoy making my world just that much more beautiful at this time of year. It's time to slow down and actually look at the world. Your eyes don't glance over the landscape as often when they are stopped by decorations and lights and smiling faces.
Gratitude
The Spirit of this season reminds me to stop the hectic pace and day to day routine to which I'm so numbed. I step outside myself and am reminded of all that is truly universally important and relevant: kindness, generosity, compassion, hope, faith, and gratitude. Gratitude for all there is around me, the people in my life, the country I live in, the belief that underneath it all, we are all the same despite all the blaming and shaming and pointing of fingers, despite all the violence and greed and selfishness. We're all the same.
Lifting My Spirits Above the Routine
It's a chance to express feelings that often go unsaid, a desire to show gratitude for our lives and the people in them. I strive to keep that focus, and try not to fuss about commercialism.
Should's
There are plenty:
You should buy buy buy.
You should spend this time with family.
You should observe this date assigned as Jesus' birthday.
You should eschew commercialism.
You should bow to the traditions of the majority.
The Truth is, no religion owns this time of year and how we each choose to celebrate and reconnect. So I choose to observe a time-honored, holy and universal perspective beyond organized western doctrines. The values of this season have been around long before Christianity: gratitude, compassion, hope, faith and peace.
Winter Priorities
What originally inspired this post was me being tired of the ignorance that masquerades as religious indignation. It's no coincidence that this time of year became the observed time of Jesus' birth (scholars say facts point to his birth actually being in Springtime) because of the traditions already observed in holidays older than Christianity at this time of year. The message is what matters. But the message is often overshadowed by the messenger when it comes to religion.
Historically, The reason for the season is to disengage from our routine lives and reconnect with our humanity: Compassion, Gratitude, Hope, Peace and Faith (whatever you have faith in is valid for you). No matter what you label the holiday, that reason has been tied to this time of year long before the story of Jesus.
This yearly reminder wakes me up before I get caught up in a brand new year. And I'm grateful for every belief system, religion and tradition, old and new alike, that jog our collective memory of what really matters.
What would Jesus do, indeed.
~Shephard :)
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Decked and Decorated
Thanksgiving traditions stand... just like these trees. The decor went up, and so did our spirits!Below is a video to provide the cheery music while you look at photos.
The Dining Room tree... always hard to photograph this room and tree...
Living room tree in the sunshine...
Nothing lifts my spirits like decorating for Christmas.
Next year, I'm going to do all red and white and silver on the main tree. :) And I hope with all my might that B & I will be in our new happy home at that peaceful place in the future where all things were possible and came true.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Christmas 2009