Monday, January 18, 2010

Parental Guidance Suggested

It's hard to type this between thunderstorms, but then again, I often do my best thinking "between storms." :)



Perspective is a lightswitch that can illuminate any situation.

I got (quietly) mad at the selfish behavior I was witnessing mostly because it was dismissive toward me, making me feel devalued.

That was the situation. Later, I was processing it with B, and he asked me if I would have felt dismissed/devalued had the person been 9 years old? And I said, no, because I know a child doesn't have the awareness I do, and I would not have been worried about the affect someone else's 9 year old child can have on my life and well-being. They wouldn't do it if they knew better. Just like a child wouldn't do something if they knew better. They are unaware of it. But the second half of it is the amount of value or power I give this person's behavior. And, well, we all know I'm in complete control of that and 100% accountable for how it affects me.

I remembered how devalued I felt as a child, when my needs, wants or opinions never mattered, when I felt as though I had no say in what happened to me. Parents have all the control, but good parents help the child understand, and make the child feel like they're not along just for the ride. And so I realized here I was in this situation above feeling like that devalued child. But the reality is that the person's choices and behavior were actually more child-like than mine.


I can choose to feel like the parent... having compassion or at least understanding of the childlike behavior that is affecting me. Essentially... be the adult not the child.


This isn't exactly new information for me. But ... the degree to which I am willing to let go... feels fresh and new (and welcome). I will try to remember to be the adult who is witnessing child-like choices or behavior.


Would I get mad at a baby for throwing up all over me? Then why get mad at someone else who doesn't know any better than to let their behavior throw up all over me?




Perspective truly is my lightswitch.

~Shephard :)


(this post does not refer to situations where healthy boundaries are crossed; that would have a different appropriate response)
posted by Shephard @
1:09 PM |

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