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Monday, July 12, 2010
House of Wolves & Spiders
I'm sitting at my desk. A good-sized spider appears at my periphery. I run to get The Bugzouka (thank you, Dianne) to humanely capture him and escort him from my office. But the spider (aka The Universe) is not done with me. He is fast. He escapes INTO my printer. I cannot find him. I am not happy.
The next day, I am sitting happily typing away at the keyboard, and Spider DROPS from the sky in front of me, landing dead-center between me and my computer screen!! It actually made a SOUND as it hit my desk! And so did I. After a compulsory screetch and scramble, I get the Bugz**ka and attempt to capture him, but Spider disappears into my desk. NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!
I then completely clear, clean and windex my entire desk, up, down, in, out, over, under. He has disappeared. $%#!&!!
I call my friend Ellen, and we process The Big Picture.
The message is pretty clear to us: "Be careful not to get tangled up in other people's drama." This has been the source of ALL of my anxiety and stress. Specifically: dealing with the convoluted loan/bank/broker process that equated to almost losing the house 3 times and jumping through more hoops than a trained circus poodle.
I realized I fed on the drama that is built into the process. This drama was never really mine. I can only do my best, and leave The Universe the rest. For even when things are seemingly mishandled, there was always good reason. It's part of my highest good (even if I'm emotionally attached to a different outcome).
Ellen and I laughed and I felt great.
An hour later, I'm sitting at my newly-scoured desk, now the epitome of order and simplicity, and little yellow Oboe hops into my lap. I hug him and jokingly say, "Hey you, why aren't you protecting me from that Spider?" He looks up at me, and then his gaze averts dramatically to the ceiling and his pupils ENLARGE greatly. I look up JUST IN TIME to leap out of the way as Spider drops onto my desk from the ceiling to the EXACT SAME SPOT on my desk in front of me!! I scream (because I don't much care for Kamikazi spiders) and again attempt the Bugz**ka to no avail. He gets away again!! Well, he's fast!
I'm of course totally freaked out now.
I text Ellen, and she calls me and is laughing up a storm. I am trying to. Because it IS funny. But I still have the willies. I get out my laptop, camp out in the living room, and do not return to my desk that day. That night, Spider shows up on the living room ceiling and Byron Bugz**ka's him to safety.
The next day, typity-type, I'm happy.
Out of the corner of my eye: SPIDER!! Are you FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? Apparently the living room ceiling spider was just a decoy for Mr. Kamakazi!! Ok people, I had tried valliantly 3 times... but I was not about to let this harassment continue! He's too fast! Mr. Kamakazi went to that great web in the sky (he had it comin'!).
My doubt was pretty much quenched (see previous post). I certainly couldn't ignore the anything-but-random events (tho be my guest, if you want to). I have been remarkably chill ever since, throughout many more ridiculous shennanigans from the banks and escrow et al. The house is either ours or it is not. The drama of the process is not my drama.
Two weeks later...
I'm sitting beneathe the blue roof of IHOP with Ellen and B, enjoying our Cinni-Minions, and we're talking about how easy it is for people not to realize they are feeding the drama in their lives...which triggers an epiphany for me. I remembered seeing the following story on someone's FB page:
Omg. The one you feed wins.
Well... isn't that just the same message as Mr. Kamakazi valiantly drove home? I can choose not to get tangled in the drama that isn't mine. I can feed the future with doses of worry and anxiety, or I can feed it with the trust that whatever comes my way, I'll know how to handle it in that moment, and I'll be fine.
Mr. Kamakazi may be gone, but the willies linger... I guess you can say The Universe managed to get and keep my attention. And now I will be mindful of which wolf I am feeding, lest I be divebombed by future reminders.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 