Monday, August 30, 2010

Your Own Personal Sliding Scale





I keep The Four Agreements (or its sequel, The Fifth Agreement) handy these days. I have talked to two friends today about the 4th agreement... Always Do Your Best.


The book acknowledges that your best varies day to day, based on how rested, stressed and determined you are. What really speaks to me is the idea that you should be aware that your best isn't this mark you always aim for, but a sliding scale based on the fact that you're human.


(we'll just pretend for the purpose of this post that we all know quite well exactly where that line is between doing one's best and making excuses).

This sliding scale slides because some days we exceed the middle-ground, and some days we fall short of it... and it all balances out.





I see oh-so-painfully how short I fall from the middle that we had a year ago. I'm trying to hold up my end and the end of my over-worked, stressed hubby, and juggle both our lives. It's overwhelming at least once a week. I bet some of you reading this know exactly what I'm talking about.


In our first 22 years, I had seen my husband cry maybe 3 or 4 times. However, in the last year, I've seen him cry twice from the sheer stress that comes from dealing with too many cooks in the kitchen, a disproportionate amount of people who should not be in their jobs, normal frayed nerves and ego-management, an enormous staff of mega-talented, exhausted artists all working on hyperdrive doing phenominally beautiful work ...all making a movie in 21 months, instead of the required 41 months... all riding on B's and his fellow director's shoulders. So... our sliding scale is altered by those around us as well. Most especially by the handful of wonderful friendships B & I have that boost our best immeasurably. People around you affect your best.

What we've been dealing with, and will be dealing with for the next 6 weeks is a level of disregard for human wellfare that borders on abuse. Get it done; we don't care if you get sick. This affects all departments in the process. The difference... B has been dealing with it for almost two years with one 5 day vacation, and each dept. has about an 8 to 15 week run of high-stress. They ramp up into this stress level over that period. B was shot from a canon 2 years ago with no ramp-time on a movie loaded with controversy with the deck stacked against it (and just wait til you see what a laugh-out-loud hilarious, stunningly beautiful, touching movie it is... ).



It sounds rather super human when I put it that way. But it's because I'm amazed and proud at what B and his fellow director and talented crew have accomplished.
Relentless stress. We are in a crunch. We simply cannot do the same best in a crunch that we do in normal times. No brainer right? Comparing the sliding scale of "Our Best" is what makes us feel like a failure. If I compare today with last September's sliding scale, it sinks my hopes and gives rise to doubt and fear, depression and defeat.


I've gained weight because my foot is mending so slowly that I can't do my walking, and we are eating progressively later and later in the evening due to B's crazy schedule, and we're so stressed out we eat comfort food 2 or 3 times a week! Some of my clothes are snug. I want to do my 10k steps so badly, but my foot won't let me ... it's still taped up and healing. I keep doing too much, and reinjuring it. It's an awful feeling, because I worked so hard for 2 years to get and keep 50 pounds off, and gaining 10 or 15 back is spirit-crushing. It feels like failure.

But it's actually success. Sliding scale... I am actually doing My Best to get through a very difficult time. I look at the big picture, and I realize... this is My Best. I see the enormity of what we're dealing with, and I think.... geez, we're still healthy and in one piece and we're still succeeding (moving forward).
So... I'll buy new clothes to wear to the required parties and press junkets. I'll make it work. My foot will heal. And My Best will ramp back up to a place that makes me smile and feel in control again. For now, I'm getting through it and I'm helping my hubby every chance I get. I'm giving him My Best. With every ounce of sincerity and gratitude I can muster, I am so thankful for this new house that buoys his spirit and helps him relax and recharge even a little bit. It's such a quiet and serene place to be. He needed it so badly.


I hope you're all being kind to yourselves, and realizing your own sliding scale of Always Do Your Best.... that it changes every single day. What more could anyone else ask of you than your best? So why would you demand more than your best from yourself?


Doing my best,

~Shephard :)

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posted by Shephard @
4:50 PM |

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