Monday, October 11, 2010

On the Fence



I'm never one to make decisions cavalierly.  But I've been thinking about this for a long time.

My little corner of blogdom is a comforting one. 
Oh, I see my loyal lurkers and of course all of you who do make comments, and there are some friends I know who read but don't comment. I know you're reading.  Why am I writing?  Well, these Monday posts are my way of working through and sharing my modest little path. I don't want 50 comments or the blog ordeal and fixation that comes with them (I've watched that take over bloggers' lives).  But ... if I link to F*cebook so that more people see and are prompted to read, what kind of can of whoopass worms am I opening up?


I can't decide. 
I have never linked my blog to F*cebook.    I don't want anything I say or post to possibly reflect negatively on B's reputation or professional arena.  I'm very careful about that. And I'll continue to be.  B doesn't need people being critical of him due to his outspoken husband.  But even that isn't the main reason.



If total strangers read my blog, great!  I like strangers. Doesn't worry me.  But if Joe or Jane Friend read my blog, and I don't know they read my blog, then it's like them having a window inside me that I am unaware of.  I don't mind that they know, I mind that I don't know that they know.  There's something about this that strikes me as unfair.  Maybe impolite?  But the internet is still The Wild Wild West and I don't expect any code of ethics any time soon.

I'm an open-book kinda guy, for the most part. I share at the drop of a hat. (Too much? Debatable). Hiding one's light under a bushel never gets anyone anything.  Risk is a necessary ingredient in happiness.   And what does it say right under my blog banner? 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."  ~ Emerson


Yet, I hesitate.  
The point of linking blog and FB would not be for more comments, because if I've learned anything from having a blog for 5+ years, it's that people who know you IRL rarely comment or let you know they read your post (I do have a way of tracking them all, but I'm lazy about it).  Anyway, it's not about that.  At a certain point, the feeling of "I'm hiding my light under a bushel" weighs heavier than protecting my personal path from judgmental eyes. 


Those of you who do take a few seconds to comment... your comments not only make life feel less of a vacuum, but they let me know that I am being encouraging for others as well as myself as I make my way down the complicated path.  Those sorts of comments are dear to anyone who shares.  It lets us know that, even in small ways, we are helping to smooth some of the ripples in the Big Pond.  

For me personally, I've never quite fully shaken the high school stigma of feeling like I always have a target on my back.  So every comment I get lets me know that sharing is a worthwhile and salutary thing. 

And I think about people who might realize we are more similar... or it might push those away I don't want to be around anyway.  I think logically that sharing who I really am makes a stronger case for connecting with people who can appreciate similar wave-lengths.   

Life is populated with people with whom you can't relate.
So we cherish those kindred spirits with whom we share a stronger connection.  I can't help but look at life as being about those stronger connections.  I might be answering my own question here.  But I'm still a big chicken.  Who wants to invite derision from acquaintances who rarely have a thought deeper than 2 fathoms or the bravery to share them? But then I remember it's not about the slings and arrows, but rather the hands that join with you.  



This is the part where you all pretend that I've decided, and you're all impressed with my resolve and decisiveness.  


~Shephard :)

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posted by Shephard @
11:16 AM |

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