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Monday, February 22, 2010
I Agree
I once read that every trip away from home is a trip inward. In other words, we break our routine and habits and get away from the stimulus that generates the same ole thoughts we think each day.My seemingly innocent trip to O'ahu allowed me time and space to process the following:
My mom had an emotional outburst and decided I would be the target.
Someone pointed out, several times, that I need to be more like everybody else.
I reached saturation point for the drama of the An*mation industry (due to the current internal changes).
My mom's outburst was a laundry list of all the things she feels I have neglected to do to make her happier the last 20+ years, and how selfish I'd been. Very unlike her. It was not based on facts or reality. She's 80. I'm cutting her some slack. And she apologized after. But I wondered how it was that she could be so far off base. And I am wondering if she's going off the deep end a bit. That worries me.
The An*mation world is a sealed bubble wherein all the participants, peers and fans are codependant in their agreement that it's still the 1990's. This reality has nothing to do with the current ecomonic & theatrical zietgeist. Instead, it's an emotional attachment to the past. When change happens, they do not react rationally or seek facts. I live in this world, and can ignore this most of the time. I have to. But after 3 years, the panic of the know-it-alls begins to wear on me. 
Someone shaming me for being different. Well. I'm not even going to address that. But the mirror is an old one for me (Do I get 10 points for finding a creative illustration for this? lol).
DISCLAIMER: Like any book, I choose not to throw the baby out with the bathwater just because parts of the book don't land for me. To me, the middle section is a bit New Agey and convoluted. That's just my perspective. But I did find value for myself in its pages and you don't need to read the 1st book before this one; it stands beautifully on its own.
The 1st half and last quarter for me were so simple and profound. I am taking everything and everyone in my world too personally. I try so hard to be the good son to my mom, and yet there's my mom, painting her own interpretation of me. I try to be a person of integrity and honesty, and not a prisoner to cliches or group choices. And yet someone sees me as a cliche anyway. I absorb the fears, paranoia and doom-n-gloom of an industry that reinvents itself constantly, forgetting that it's not reality; everything's going to be ok, because it always has been.
A friend read me my newspaper horoscope during all of this: I march to the beat of a different drummer that people are not always going to understand. But I think this is true for everyone. You can't please people who don't want to be pleased, and you can't convince someone of who you really are if they don't choose to see it. Call it the optimism of a communicator, but I have wasted far too much time trying to bridge the gaps. And I'm done.
I'm going to be myself. And be so as impecably as I can.
I'm going to take things less personally.
I'm going to make less assumptions. Making assumptions is just believing in the lie I tell myself.
I'm going to always do my best. Even if that best changes from day to day.
And... I'm going to listen and be skeptical. It's just their story, their movie, and just like any book or movie, I can enjoy it without believing it's reality.
The book outlines all that so beautifully, so concisely.
As I read it sitting by the pool on a rainy day, it made me feel so much better, so much clearer. I am happy to agree.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Homeward Bound
(beach near the rental house)
I'm on a break.
O'ahu, Hawaii. I think I might like it more than Maui. The North Shore is charming, the windward east side is beautiful (think Jurassic Park), the interior is peaceful, and the city of Honolulu is crammed full of shopping, great food and stunning sunset views presided over by majestic Diamond Head. But that's a topic for another post (one overloaded with photos). And I'm pretending that my life is at a standstill.
Being away on this break came at the right time because of a small controversy for B at work barely worth mentioning. If I told you, well, let's just say it's an illustration of how unkind and reactionary people can be. Funny how fans and peers seem to always assume they have all the information to have an informed opinion. And that they think important decisions are made cavalierly without very careful exploration, research and planning. And that change is somehow alien to the process of film-making. I remember exactly what it was like to see things from that perspective, so all the unkind words don't bother me that much. Because I remember what it looks like from their perspective.
I'm not sure my mom is well. A emotional episode day before we left was like a stomach punch, it was so unexpected. She's 80. I know this is a factor, and I'm holding my breath to see if she's just tired of using the "polite filter" that we all use... or if she's losing it slowly. I just have to remember she's 80. A certain percentage of this is normal. Somewhere under all the ravages of a long (and healthy) life, she's the same. I can't believe I have an 80 year old mom. I blinked, and she went from 60 to 80.
I'm sitting in the back yard of a house on Oahu that we're renting with good friends, listening to ABBA on the sound system, and thinking about a sunset beach walk maybe. My mental creativity is on vacation too, so sorry if this post is so... pedestrian. We've been watching the Olympics every night in the man-cave media room on a 100 inch screen tv, and eating wonderful things like homemade guacamole and brie & crackers.
Favorite new discovery: Chocolate Haupia Pie. God. it's like the best chocolate cream pie you can imagine.
I'm not in the least interested in stepping into the pool, but it's pretty to look at, surrounded by coconut trees and birds of paradise flowers. So breezy and there are birds and water noises and I don't want any of it to stop.
This house is so strange. The owners have so much money they built a house that sprawls with 2 master suites, one at each end. They have a professional grade dishwasher that does an entire load in 6 minutes, a 10-grand sub-zero fridge, a Wolf brand stove/range, and an ice-maker that will make 100lbs of ice a day. Our bedroom has its own w/d (the dryer has a steaming rack inside it where you can hang clothes to unwrinkle). And it has a a master bath with a 7 foot oval bathtub that could seat 3 comfortably and a double shower (nozzles from 2 directions) surrounded in marble. Holy crap. Crazy house. Crazy economy with low rental fees. Wait til you see photos. Some of the house just makes me go "What the hell were they thinking?"
Probably no post til Monday... I'm behind... so I have houses to post and thoughts tumbling around inside my head just waiting for a normal day on which to express them. But for now... I'm on Aloha time. And there's Chocolate Haupia Pie in the fridge waiting for me.
~Shephard :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Thursday's House or Home 03
This one is just for fun, way out of our range. As I mentioned before, knowing what's out there and what it costs is a great way to learn what you can and can't get, and when to recognize a bargain or great deal. It depends on the area, naturally. :)
Ahem.
4200 square feet, built in 1940, in a quiet area of Los Angeles that is much coveted by some and looked down at by others. :) And it's a cool $2mil.
I love a wooden gate. I want a wooden gate. Shall we go inside?
Stairs leading from the wooden gate, streetside.
Looking down the length of the house's front (gate would be up and to the right). You can see a mini-pergola at the opposite end. In case you get bored with the other places on the property to sit and ogle the house.
Living Room. Actually... it had so many rooms, not sure what I'm going to call some of them.
Zoom in. The tilework is so fun.As is all their art and furnishing.
Other side of the living room, doors leading out to the back yard pool entertainment extravaganza. But more on that later. Love the floors.
Kitchen. Just right of the entry. French doors facing sunny front yard and water feature.
You can see the front door open at the far end.
Beyond that, a dining room (not pictured) and then this bar/tv room.
And beyond that... a funny little den that leads to the Master En Suite. (there were two master en suites, by the way)
Photos show looking both directions from this den. Below: looking the opposite direction through the den, bar toward the entry/kitchen. 
A bathroom. I'm now confused as to which bathroom belonged to which en suite. Look at the etched tilework. It is more subtle in person.
Here's the main master en suite.
My memory tells me THIS master bath was at the absolute other end of the house with the other en suite. French door at the end, leads out to a lovely sun porch, up above the pool area. Photo below.
It was so peaceful.And now a photo that looks UP from the pool at this little balcony sun porch.
Yes, that's a spiral staircase. In case you need to get down from that bathroom or the porch to the pool in a hurry (I would invent reasons). The French doors on the LEFT lead to an entertainment roomr... a cheery mancave, complete with game room and large bathroom.
This room is much bigger than this photo shows. 
So is the bathroom.
Above, another really nice bedroom. I loved the built ins and the color palette for this room. It deviated only slightly from the rest of the house's Tuscan palette, and yet it went so well (certainly fitting the exterior).
Another... this one might belong to that other bathroom with the salmon colored etched tile.
The backyard pool area....
Marble pool cabana counters, built in gas grille (of the $6000 variety) and stainless steel fridge with fireplace. The stairs on left come from the main master en suite. In case you need to get to the cabana pool area in a hurry (I would invent reasons).
Of course, on days when it's too hot, too cold, too ______ , you can always cover the area. 
Or not.
And a reminder of the front landscaping below (the front & back were featured in a magazine actually).
Strike 1: 4200 square feet. The house sprawled in different directions... call me paranoid, but I really don't like homes where you have no idea what's going on in the other end of the house ("Did you just hear a noise in the West Wing?").
Strike 2: I'm just not a pool person. And the kitchen was plain and cold. If I buy a $2mil house, the kitchen better already be warm, cheery, friendly, inviting, sunny and light.
Strike 3: I don't have $2 million. And if I did, I'd buy a cheaper house and travel. :)
But it was really fun to see this. An amazing property that someone must be so proud of. The owners are a gay couple, by the way. We won't be forgetting this house any time soon. :)
~Shephard :)
Labels: House and Home
Monday, February 08, 2010
J*st Aro*nd the River B*nd
I'm not going to belabour the "searching for a home" metaphor, but the process sure exposes my self-imposed limitations. So how about a boat metaphor instead? Maybe a gondola or canoe?
We're in the canoe, and the realtor is steering, and we control what we will see. So, we better know the terrain. Our realtor/friend asked us if we wanted to see houses outside our price range (!), and if so, would it be depressing or sad for us to see houses we can't afford? . I immediately said that we wanted to see them. With this crazy anything-can-happen market, houses can dramatically lower their price or fall out of escrow, and nothing is stopping us from making an offer below asking. So, we are seeing some houses that we can't afford. It's part of the journey.
I'm learning about the great variety of what your money gets you. And how limited my scope used to be. I'm learning to recognize a great deal or a bonus when I see it. I'm seeing a bigger picture. And I know that anything can happen, as evidenced by the present house we have (the lady sold it to us for asking price, because she liked us!).
I could have let my fear stop me from looking at things outside my narrow focus. My fear would have become a limitation, possibly a liability. Fear of disappointment, fear of lack, fear of settling for less. Fear telling me we can't have something grand and right for us. But instead, I choose to remember that almost anything can happen -at the very least, things I'm not expecting. So, we're going down the river with our eyes wide open.
I intend to enjoy the scenery all the way down to the destination without being in a hurry to speed through it all. I'm staying out of my own way, and I'm not going to interfere with the natural flow of this process. I know that we will see tons of things that are not right for us.... until we find one or two. If we get outbid, it means it wasn't our home. Back in the boat! :)
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." (Richard Bach)
And hopefully this way, my mind stays open and engaged, with less self-imposed limitations. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
That said... wait til you see the house I'm posting this Thursday. Wow.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Thursday's House or Home 02
With this week's house, I am reminded of the adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Certainly an adage that will apply to every house I see, but this one in particular surprised me with how plain and ordinary the outside was compared to the sunny, bright inside. (Of course, this house is vacated, so it automatcially lacks the charm of last week's house)
I imagined a boring and dark inside. And it doesn't look like 2600 square feet either!
The front door entry... with a strange frosted glass panel screwed over baluster posts. To the left is (ahhhh!!) a giant mirror on the wall.
Turning left from the entry... wow.
Looking back at the entry and a hall toward bedrooms... and left sliding doors, stairs that lead down and the kitchen entry.
Standing near the stairs looking back at the fireplace and living room. So bright and cheery. Not one light in the house is on.
Here you can see... r to l.... mirror, plant, kitchen entry, pass-thru, stairs (yes, that's more glass used instead of balusters). Looks like a tiny kitchen doesn't it.... ?
Looking left once inside the kitchen. Not small. :) And straight back is a sunroom with a window seat and a great laundry room and storage.
You can see the kitchen entry that I walked thru to take this photo, and the stairs outside it that go down.
The window seat in the sun room.
In the sunroom/office.... looking back .... that passthru... is the stairwell!
Left, frosted door to a laundry room, and you can see the large fridge in the kitchen in this shot.
Inside the laundry. I just thought it was cute/different. Strange little windows.
If I'd taken photos down that hallway, there would have been 3 bedrooms and two bathrooms. Typical 50's baths with the sea green and canteloup tiles... but they were larger than I usually see (tho technically this house was built in 1947). The other bath had baby blue. and the master suite bath had wood (bleh). Oh, and those stairs... they lead down to one single large/long basement room, bright and cheery, with a fireplace at one end. My friend called it the perfect Man-Cave. lol We both thought it would make the perfect "home theater."
r to l: sunroom side doors leading to the yard... stairs leading up to a large pool, and more stairs leading to a cement area slightly higher, and then the hillside (also part of the property).
House from the back. We suspect that the sunroom area was added later, of course.
The pool level.
The hillside... very serene.
r to l: sunroom side doors leading to the yard... stairs leading up to a large pool, and more stairs leading to a cement area slightly higher, and then the hillside (also part of the property). 
House from the back. We suspect that the sunroom area was added later, of course.
The pool level.
The hillside... very serene.
Strike 1: I've seen more charming houses, with greater appeal.
Strike 2: The Cost. Canyon house again, so the price reflects that. To me, it doesn't add anything but quiet really. So why pay $100k more for that when I can just find a quiet street with as nice a house. And because the bathrooms were original, that would add huge reno-costs.
Strike 3: No privacy at all in the yard and it would cost in the 5 digits to landscape such a HUGE yard on 3 levels (and that would be a tight budget). We'd just be out there for all the above houses and surrounding houses to see every time we were at the pool. (and I could care less about a pool anyway).
(Next week's house will be a jaw-dropper)
~Shephard :)
Labels: House and Home