![[title of show]](http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b285/ShephardSummers/titleofshowsm.jpg)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Frida and Babette, a Tale of Karma
The word "karma" is so loaded. People often cleave to it as their last hope of justice. I've come to feel that it's always present, always timely, and more often than not, less obvious than most people are expecting.
Recently, I saw karma come around in an interesting way. Sharing this is a bit tricky.
In fact, for those of you reading the last few posts, this very situation has resulted in me deciding NOT to share my blog on FB. Because I wouldn't dare be doing this post if I thought most of my friends list would bother to read my blog.
I watched an exchange between Frida and Babette (names changed to protect the innocent), where Babette was nice to Frida's face, but the opposite behind her back. Babette got into a tangle with life that seemed so obviously "symbolic" to me. I think I am the only one who noticed the karma coming around for what it was.
I had been struggling internally ... torn between wanting to be supportive of Frida, but knowing it could have a negative domino effect for her and so many others as well as the future. I reminded myself that more often than not people are not random victims, but more specifically, victims of their own choices --or-- that it's so easy to label some negative event as a victimization, and then later learn that it was all for the better. I reminded myself, that even tho I was worried about Frida, the situation could still be for her highest good. I bit my tongue. I showed support to her privately. And I told myself, "what goes around eventually comes around" ...even if I never get to see that. But I got to see it this time. :)
Schadenfreude. n. Pleasure dervived from the misfortune of others.
I have to admit quite guiltily, when I saw karma come around and knock Babette upside the head, I actually felt a glimmer of justice. I felt terrible about it, but I smiled. I smiled for myself and for Frida. I smiled because I saw first hand that what you put out there does indeed come back to you.
It's rarely tit for tat. More often than not, it's about the quality of life that is magnetized to the person. That's the karma. It's not as obvious as Babette chops down a forest and a tree falls on her in a park and breaks her arm. But justice is visible in Babette's life. I think that's why so many people don't learn from their karma. They don't see the connection between their choices and the quality of their lives. Babette doesn't make the connection.
There may be more trouble in the future too. But I feel more peaceful than normal with the situation, knowing that Babette will continue to reap what she sews. As will Frida. Frida will be fine. Things may continue just the way they are for quite some time. I'm not expecting anything dramatic, nor do I even hope for it. I just know that Babette is creating the quality of her life by how she treats others. If you're a snake who likes to bite people, expect that the snake wranglers will eventually come for you.
Do I think that all bad things that happen to me or others are a result of deserved punishment? No. That's a very western-religious perspective. But I do, for example, think I was supposed to learn something from having injurred my foot. It had dramatic impact on my last few months, during which I slowed down, focused, and grappled with some personal demons. I was where I needed to be.
For me, life is a conversation. I see unlimited opportunities handed to me to learn to take control of what I'm magnetizing. Sometimes the results I see are obvious, and sometimes they're hidden.
But I wouldn't be surprised to hear that a tree fell on Babette. Just sayin'.
~Shephard
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Bowling Balls are Smaller Now
Imagine you're careening down a hill on a runaway train and those in the back keep putting more coal in the furnace and you keep going faster and faster toward the finish line, and you're almost there, but people keep throwing bowling balls onto the tracks that threaten to wreck the train.
That is a pretty good description of the last year.
The bowling balls are smaller now. But you still have to be mindful and make careful choices to protect your "safety" from those who truly believe that these bowling balls are necessary at any cost.
(I can't believe I found a photo of bowling balls on a train track)
But we're good at adapting.
We got used to prioritizing our time and every relationship.
We got used to apologizing to friends.
We got used to taking turns falling apart.
We got used to people second-guessing our truth.
We got used to our best being good enough at any given moment.
We got used to knowing that moving forward doesn't always feel like it.
And we got used to allowing good friends to help us when we needed it.
We are reminding each other daily, as we dodge the last remaining bowling balls, that things are changing. It's just our brains expecting the worst. Our brains have to catch up to the change.
I'm so proud of my husband, I'm bursting.
I can't find words to describe the serious emotional, physical and mental mettle it took to direct a movie with too many cooks in the kitchen, everyone panicking and being uber critical, complete with warring factions rarely being on the same page...in HALF the time these films usually take. (this is his second time directing a film in this predicament). Thank god he has an equally talented fellow director by his side to share the load (these films are always done with two directors, side by side).
(Wrap Party Screening rehearsal,
Grauman's Chinese Theatre)
Grauman's Chinese Theatre)
The film. Wow.
This weekend was the Wrap Party. More than 1000 people attended. Everyone was blown away. Everyone was so happy. People laughed and cried and cheered. The view from the runaway train is very nice at this point in the journey. The bowling balls are fewer and farther between. Just a few more really.
And we can recuperate in Paris and Sydney during those Press Junkets.
Our brains will just have to catch up to us then.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Monday, October 11, 2010
On the Fence
I'm never one to make decisions cavalierly. But I've been thinking about this for a long time.
My little corner of blogdom is a comforting one.
Oh, I see my loyal lurkers and of course all of you who do make comments, and there are some friends I know who read but don't comment. I know you're reading. Why am I writing? Well, these Monday posts are my way of working through and sharing my modest little path. I don't want 50 comments or the blog ordeal and fixation that comes with them (I've watched that take over bloggers' lives). But ... if I link to F*cebook so that more people see and are prompted to read, what kind of can of whoopass worms am I opening up?
I can't decide.
I have never linked my blog to F*cebook. I don't want anything I say or post to possibly reflect negatively on B's reputation or professional arena. I'm very careful about that. And I'll continue to be. B doesn't need people being critical of him due to his outspoken husband. But even that isn't the main reason.
If total strangers read my blog, great! I like strangers. Doesn't worry me. But if Joe or Jane Friend read my blog, and I don't know they read my blog, then it's like them having a window inside me that I am unaware of. I don't mind that they know, I mind that I don't know that they know. There's something about this that strikes me as unfair. Maybe impolite? But the internet is still The Wild Wild West and I don't expect any code of ethics any time soon.
I'm an open-book kinda guy, for the most part. I share at the drop of a hat. (Too much? Debatable). Hiding one's light under a bushel never gets anyone anything. Risk is a necessary ingredient in happiness. And what does it say right under my blog banner?
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~ Emerson
Yet, I hesitate.
The point of linking blog and FB would not be for more comments, because if I've learned anything from having a blog for 5+ years, it's that people who know you IRL rarely comment or let you know they read your post (I do have a way of tracking them all, but I'm lazy about it). Anyway, it's not about that. At a certain point, the feeling of "I'm hiding my light under a bushel" weighs heavier than protecting my personal path from judgmental eyes.
Those of you who do take a few seconds to comment... your comments not only make life feel less of a vacuum, but they let me know that I am being encouraging for others as well as myself as I make my way down the complicated path. Those sorts of comments are dear to anyone who shares. It lets us know that, even in small ways, we are helping to smooth some of the ripples in the Big Pond.
For me personally, I've never quite fully shaken the high school stigma of feeling like I always have a target on my back. So every comment I get lets me know that sharing is a worthwhile and salutary thing.
For me personally, I've never quite fully shaken the high school stigma of feeling like I always have a target on my back. So every comment I get lets me know that sharing is a worthwhile and salutary thing.
And I think about people who might realize we are more similar... or it might push those away I don't want to be around anyway. I think logically that sharing who I really am makes a stronger case for connecting with people who can appreciate similar wave-lengths.
Life is populated with people with whom you can't relate.
So we cherish those kindred spirits with whom we share a stronger connection. I can't help but look at life as being about those stronger connections. I might be answering my own question here. But I'm still a big chicken. Who wants to invite derision from acquaintances who rarely have a thought deeper than 2 fathoms or the bravery to share them? But then I remember it's not about the slings and arrows, but rather the hands that join with you.
This is the part where you all pretend that I've decided, and you're all impressed with my resolve and decisiveness.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
Monday, October 04, 2010
Apples and Oranges
I know I've written about how we are all a bit miscast in everyone's else's movie as they see us rather than as we truly are (you can read that post *here*)... a concept I got from reading The Fifth Agreement, sequel to The Four Agreements. But there are days when I actually feel like I'm just a bit player in someone else's movie... waiting for my turn, enjoying a brief bit-part of appreciation, then retreating back into the wings. Like I'm the cameo people enjoy, but ... just a cameo nonetheless.
What I'm really saying, is that I assume a lot based on how I perceive the behavior of others, and then take things personally about what I assume. Breaking two of the agreements in one fell swoop.
I don't really like what I'm assuming or the way it makes me feel. So why do I do it? Since I don't know for sure that I'm regarded as a less significant role, why shouldn't I assume a positive explanation for the behavior I observe?
-- putting on thinking cap --
What would that positive spin be?
I have a hard time thinking of something frankly. And I refuse to accept that. Out of the blue, a favorite lyric by Indigo Girls pops into my head: "Seems easier to push than to let go and trust." Sigh. I'm pushing my own agenda of friendship onto the natural flow of what the relationship really is. I'm trying to cast them in a role maybe they don't fit. I'm miscasting them. And then I am disappointed when the movie doesn't quite live up to my hopes. Oh.
I think accepting that an apple is an apple, and an orange is an orange, might be fundamental to personal serenity. A large part of peace and satisfaction is acceptance. Not resignation. Not settling for less. Not giving in or giving up. But finding true appreciation for what the apple is, and not comparing it to the orange (and vice versa).
I'm better at this some days than others.
Doing anything else is not fair to the apples and oranges frankly. And I get happiness, acceptance and peace of mind out of this acceptance.
Don't make assumptions about the apple. See and appreciate the orange for what it really is.
I will remember more often not to take it personally that an apple is not an orange.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Four Agreements