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Monday, March 14, 2011
Feed The Good Wolf
B and I have been talking a lot lately about things we feed on or the things that feed on us. And I have been unknowingly allowing the past to masquerade as the present.
Brain Stuck.
I know I think roughly 60% of the same thoughts today that I thought yesterday. The brain is a programmed creature of habit. I used to be kinda glib or blithe about how easy it is to turn over a new leaf, effectively change courses in mid-stream in my life, but after the last 4 years of uninterrupted chaos and struggle for control with The Mouse, my mind is now stuck. I need to figure out how to get unstuck.
We're out of the woods.
These 4 years were not normal.
B had to fix 2 broken films, and he made each movie in half the time they are supposed to be made. BUT... it's all we know, because B has never experienced the directing process any other way. So now, here we are, somewhat freer and way less pressurized, but my brain just won't let go of what has been normal and unrelenting the last 4 years. I keep telling myself, it's over.
It doesn't help that, unlike all the other directors who get time to recuperate after their projects, for the second time, B is not really being given a break. He's working on a short feature, mentoring another short, doing character designs for the next Mouse film, developing and researching his own next film with his directing partner, and attending way too many manditory meetings that don't allow him a moment's break. So this all feels the same to me. Especially when he had to rush off this morning to do more Press for Blondie's DVD release.
(ironically, my brain feels this way too)
The shorts will finish, he's done helping with character stuff, the annoying meetings will continue, but mostly, they will start to give him a breather. But... how do I convince my brain of this? After four years? I KNOW THE WORST IS OVER NEVER TO RETURN, but my brain is stuck. Every late night or rushed morning reinforces this and panicks my brain all over again. But I know better.
It has made me realize that sometimes --like post traumatic syndrome, post pardem or post-holiday blues-- the brain will just have to catch up to reality. Reality is separate from our brain's perceptions. We are its custodian, so if we want to get unstuck, we have to be proactive:
And after this, I hope I'm never quite so glib about how easy it is for any of us to "change" again. Sometimes, it's just hard to believe in change when every step has been the same for so long.
I'm so glad I figured this out. Sometimes, there are really valid and good reasons for being stuck. But it's time to feed the Good Wolf.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 
