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Monday, July 11, 2011
Respecting the River's Course
The River of Life finds resolve in its natural course...
Gotta love facebook.
It opens wide the door to multiple daily chances to interact with people you might not otherwise.
This week's snafu was caused because I remove things someone posted on my profile page. I keep my page clean. Oh, I do leave a random post by someone else, a video, an info alert, but mostly, I respond to posts, and then a few days later, I remove posts by others.
It's nothing personal. I think it's partially because I don't like everyone seeing every conversation or interaction I have with everyone, and partially just a tidying thing. But... facebook is a window into my life, and frankly, some of the people I've friended are acquaintences and haven't earned the right to see and read everything that's going on in my life, or wouldn't even understand some comments from my close friends.
This week's snafu was caused because I remove things someone posted on my profile page. I keep my page clean. Oh, I do leave a random post by someone else, a video, an info alert, but mostly, I respond to posts, and then a few days later, I remove posts by others.
It's nothing personal. I think it's partially because I don't like everyone seeing every conversation or interaction I have with everyone, and partially just a tidying thing. But... facebook is a window into my life, and frankly, some of the people I've friended are acquaintences and haven't earned the right to see and read everything that's going on in my life, or wouldn't even understand some comments from my close friends.
So.... we got back from a 10-day visit with relatives, Golly had just died, we weren't in good spirits, an acquaintence made a comment about a TV show on my page. I didn't respond, and after a day or so took it down, and thought, I'll just respond in a nice note. When I removed the post ...he replaced it with a neutral but dejected comment on my page. I responded, mentioned Golly dying and our 10 day "vacation" and how thrashed we were. No response from him. I removed that post. He then unfriended me, and now refuses to answer email or accept the above explanation.
I realize that it's for my own good, for the better.
Because altho I have absolutely NOTHING against this person, I've always known we don't connect on any deep levels. This person reacting so extremely is a wonderful sign post from the Universe: "Your intuition about this person was right on the nose; there's no deep connection there."
And yet the drama of it still makes me want to resolve it.
Not the friendship. But the misunderstanding. The unresolve.
My friend Wendy and I always talk about our compulsion to resolve things... it sometimes makes things worse or at the least, cements our involvement. The compulsion is the hope that you can make the person understand, that you can say the right thing, and they will understand. But... I've learned over the last decade or so, that I should first evaluate the relationship and decide if it's worth the outlay of energy and investment... especially if the person shows no signs of adult resolution skills.
I like a tidy life. I always try to resolve. Even against better judgment sometimes.
The fact that this trivial situation is enough to end a friendship illustrates the value he placed on my friendship. And that's okay. It has nothing to do with me. It's his value system ...and I have my own. We're not ALL meant to be best buddies. Call it Natural Selection... the natural course of the river. I am protected by these natural laws.
You can't make people understand.
Many people in history have nobly died trying.
For me, this week's message is loud and clear:
Who you are...and who they are... will make the relationship take its natural course, just like a river, if you learn when to resolve, and when to step out of the way.
And no matter how much you interfere, no matter how much you invest or try... the river will find a way to get where it was going in the first place.
And no matter how much you interfere, no matter how much you invest or try... the river will find a way to get where it was going in the first place.
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
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