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Monday, August 29, 2011
All That Glitters is Not Gold
As we threw our small house-warming get-together recently, surrounded by loving friends who were so happy for us in our home, I couldn't help but think how little even some of our closest friends were aware of what was required of us to get this far. I'm sure it looks quite effortless to most people who know us. Perhaps because we are so positive-minded. But it was an exhaustingly long haul to get to this point.
Neither of us dreamed that getting what we set out to create would be so utterly draining and would strip away so much of the serenity of our lives. I remember watching bios on, for example, celebrities, whose lives run away with them, and I certainly rarely ever felt what I would describe as "deep sympathy" for them. And I don't want or expect sympathy from anyone either. But the insight I've gained is a perspective shared by few. I feel like if I do share this (despite how personal), maybe someday someone out there in blogland will read it and feel comforted and gain some insight of their own.
It's funny how the lives of others are so often mirrors for us to learn from.
When we traveled to Australia with a certain very sweet celebrity duo, we got glimpses into their lives that made more of an impact on me than either of them will ever realize.
For starters, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, after seeing what they must go through, I don't begrudge them any of their demands, requirements or eccentricities. They are commodities, and it seems as though people are looking out for them, but truly, when it comes down to it, it's a business and they are stuck carving out whatever peace, privilege and happiness they can carve amidst the push-me-pull-you of celebrity. Might sound a bit schmalzy, but I hope they can guard some corner of themselves and never lose the genuine sweetness I got glimpses of.
We got to get off the Hollywood Train for a while. But they're permanent passengers. I totally see how people get dependant on drugs and addictions and scandals in the process, or give it up and drop out of the public eye. Through a very small window, I was able to glimpse and experience some of what they must deal with in addition to what B has to deal with to make the entire film. It exhausted both of us (granted it was 2 films in a row). I don't know how they manage it as a constant necessary evil. I could see when they were tired. I could see them retreat a bit. I understood maybe more than they realized.
I have watched myself go through a gamut of reactions over the past 4 crazy years: from elation and deep gratitude and generosity to resentment and anger and helpless resignation. But always, I return to my center of gratitude. Sometimes, the highs are as high as the lows are low, but we couldn't have one without the other. Most of what happened to us was because of conscious choices on our part. So there you have it. We may not have known what sleeping in those beds would feel like, but we made them and had to lie in them. I wouldn't trade any of it, no matter how stressful and exhuasting. I like where we are right now. It was totally worth it.
If you've read this far, I hope you got something from all this. Perhaps it's the realization that everyone, no matter how glittery gold their lives look, is dealing with their own relative bundle of challenges. It's definitely one of the things I learned as I process these 4 years.
Even tho Blondie is past-tense, the effects linger. B has become someone different at work. His job entails so much more responsibility than is obvious to most, and it continues to impact our lives each week. We've learned so much, but the entire process has changed us irrovocably. Priorities. What we allow ourseleves to willingly suffer in the way of others has changed dramatically.
We'll feel rested soon, and enjoy the plateau until it's time to gear up for the next onslaught. So much to do between now and then. We'll continue to "...make a parade of every moment." Must squeeze as much joy and adventure out of life as we can.
I'm betting those who sustain... have figured it all out and found a way to stay buoyant. Like Genghis Khan said: If you can't find a way, make one. I look back, and that's what we've been doing. You make the road by walking on it.
~Shephard :)
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