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Monday, November 07, 2011
So. Much. Change.
The wind has been sucked out of my sails lately.
I find myself in a lull ... a vacuum..... is this all there is?
I never thought I'd be a person asking that. Because... the all that is, is pretty spectacular.
I have gratitude for what is... yet I miss what was.
I've wanted to write a blog post so many times the last month, and then realized, I can't write that. Normally... I'd be creative about it. I'd find away. But.... well, lack of wind in the sails.
I used to come up with ideas for posts, regular themes for certain week days, etc. I usually manage to turn every life lesson into an opportunity to share and reflect. But lately, I'm just so tired. And I'm not even sure who's listening out there anymore. Because I've been so distracted, and not kept the ball rolling.
I'll share why. Because that's the spirit of this blog.
Lately:
We're finally finished with the exhausting list of house-fixes. They went on too long. I got tired. But there's never anything that huge to do again for the house. So, it was worth it to get it all out of the way.
Losing Golly this year, our dear funny little cat, was so much harder on us then losing our two 18-year old cats last year. I miss him. He was only 10. Way too young.
And adding Chloe-kitten to our house, tho a barrel of laughs, has proven a tad stressful. And her health has been a minor issue stressing us. As is her constant tendency to ransack, pillage and plunder. She's a sweet little thing, despite her mischief, and we are grateful that she pulled Oboe out of his depression.
And adding Chloe-kitten to our house, tho a barrel of laughs, has proven a tad stressful. And her health has been a minor issue stressing us. As is her constant tendency to ransack, pillage and plunder. She's a sweet little thing, despite her mischief, and we are grateful that she pulled Oboe out of his depression.
A dear friend is in the hospital, with a long road to recovery. I think I'm still in shock a bit. He makes me laugh. I miss him. I'm worried about him. We just have to wait it out. But I'm left with the realization that people come and go so quickly, and we really must appreciate them. This year has been a year of loss and gain.
My mom had pneumonia. Yet again. She just turned 82 yesterday. She keeps on ticking. But....
I dread the future a bit... because of all the departures. I need to quit thinking like that.
I generate a lot of support for others. Some weeks, I don't have enough left over.
I miss my friend who moved away.
B is too valuable at work. They just won't let him rest.
I miss my friend who is so so busy.
Yet another friend got a new job farther away... probably won't get to see him much now.
I'm angry at a friend who had a melt-down, and changed everyone's lives. Yet so grateful!
I'm still adjusting to knowing one friend will never really be there. Must embrace that.
So much change.
This wonderful house, it brings me peace. I walk thru it, and I feel myself breathe deeply. Yet... we imagined we'd be sharing with our dearest friends... as it turns out, change has scattered so much and so many. And I remember... oh yeah, I knew I'd have to become the fulcrum to hold us together. I need more energy to do that. I'll find it. I remember just not too long ago... we had a tight circle of special friends. Things feel scattered now. Must pull them together. Because, as I get older... I'm just not willing to put up with all the baggage most people fling around... must cherish the friends who have their baggage under control.
I'm trying. I'm organizing a cruise for next year. Trying to get them on board, pun intended.
So much change.
Some promise on the horizon...collaboration with a dear friend is proving to be a spirit-raiser.
Thanksgiving with friends... will help a lot. Looking forward to that. So much to be thankful for.
Christmas is coming. If you know me at all, you know there's nothing quite like Christmas to add wind to my sails. I saw a pin on pinterest the other day... "Glitter is my Prosac." That may be slightly more true this year. New house, midcentury modern, demands a different style. I'm doing aqua and tangerine and silver and green. Latest quest: must find some tangerine orange ornaments. I already deflowered my local Target of all their aqua oraments. :)
Oddly, I feel better for having shared. Of doubtful use for the reader, but I guess I'm allowed one or two of these posts a year. ;)
I vow to myself to blog more. For me. Or at least not give up on the blog without a fight. :)
~Shephard :)
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