Monday, April 25, 2011

Ants in the Pants


The signs Life and The Universe send me are rarely subtle.
And I prefer it that way, really I do.

I have accumulated 4 years of brownie points for immeasurable patience and waiting.  But I am so antsy after all this time.  After this long, it feels like I have an entire colony of ants in my pants.


We're waiting.
We're waiting for B's work pace to slow down (ha ha).
We're waiting for our deck to be done (2 + months).
We're waiting for contractors to follow through.
We're waiting for the right time to take our NYC trip.
We're waiting for the city to approve our solar power.
We're waiting for the pool pump to be fixed.
We're waiting to get quotes on a new neighbor/child blocking fence.
We're wiating for a friend to return, and to leave again.
We're waiting for Oboe's cold to respond to medicine.
We're waiting for the gallery to order/frame our print.
We're waiting for Landscapers' quotes.
We're waiting to use the pool and spa. 
We're waiting to find the right furniture (slow going).
We're waiting to use our driveway (5 months of clutter).



Well, I don't believe that, but THAT is what it feels like.  Most of these waiting issues have been drawn out over no less than 1 month, often 3 to 5.   It wakes us up in the middle of the night, worrying, trying to solve problems, or desperate to create any kind of forward movement in our lives.  But it's out of our hands.  We are just supposed to master "waiting patiently." 



I was going to draw a card for some perspective... but then I realized, I already have my answer.  I popped over to my own post (from awhile back) about patience (Ants) and got a snoot full.  If you want to read the Ants in B's Spaghetti story, you can go *here*...  but the sentence that jumped out at me made me feel more control and patience in my life: 

Patience is "... a necessary defense against the restentment of Time." 

Why this sentence?  
Because I already know it's all for the highest good.  I already know that getting there before the "curtain rises" just makes you wait longer.   I already know that Trust is the real issue, along with Fear of things not turning out right.   I'm already so grateful for our lives, our home, and that we are fine, fortunate, healthy and happy.  And I know without a shadow of a doubt that just around the river bend... things have already been resolved.  So this leaves me with patience as a necessary defense against the resentment of Time. 

Embrace and trust.
Easier some days than others.
And it also reminds me of one of my other little crutches:
If I'm still breathing... I'm winning.

~Shephard :)

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Monday, April 18, 2011

Shirley, You Jest


I taped Shirley MacLaine's appearance on Oprah and watched it this weekend, and I have to say, I still admire this pioneer and status-quo-renegade.  Shirley is 77. Her new book is I'm Over All That.  I may have to get it, it sounds entertaining (I've read most of her books.... you're all shocked, I'm sure).  I have genuine affection and admiration for her, and for what I've learned from what she's shared so bravely in her books.




She talked to Oprah about what we're all going through, our perception of what's happening.  Things feel speeded up, and how we need to start figuring out who we are.  On a very basic level as well as a global one.  My interpretation of that: stop focusing on belonging to groups, take off the masks, and start realizing who we are.  Our world is being dragged kicking and screaming toward tolerance of our differences, because we can't get away from them. Our Global Community status is making intolerance harder.   She mentioned that it's a really important time to know who we are.  I couldn't agree more.  I see people mostly preoccupied with who and what they aren't  (that's a good definition of politics and families). 

But she also talked about UFO's she sees from her home in New Mexico. She was serious.  Not joking.  And I respect her honesty and candor and bravery.   I always get uncomfortable with topics like this, because I can't find what to do with this belief.  It's like trying to keep a sweater you love from unraveling. Don't touch those threads, or it'll all unravel... 



Even Shirley said they could be clouds that she was seeing.  I can't actually say what she saw was either, which means it could be one or both.   I don't have an investment in proving or disproving her, because this belief doesn't touch areas that comfort or threaten me. 

I feel the pull of emptiness sometimes.   I remember how fun it was to believe in things that underscored the magic and mystery of life.  I miss that.   The alchemical moments are a bit fewer and farther between now, probably because I don't tend to meet them half way with my willingness as often.   

After watching Shirley, it made me want to invest more time believing.  More time reaching out with my willingness, not being too closed off.  But it still has to have practical application for me.  It has to relate to who I am.   

Which... is kinda what Shirley was saying in a way... it's really important that we all know who we are.  Separate ourselves from the roles we play... mother, father, sister, brother, good christian, salesman of the year, class clown, gay, straight, manager, model employee, artist, punk rocker... none of those things define a person's core.  Yet I see people give over to them 150% ... they become them... they serve the roles they play instead of their roles serving them.



Last night, I had a dream, where I was asking Shirley why people believe what they believe.  And she told me that a bus driver believes whatever it is that makes him feel comforted and better about his role in the world (the bus driver looked like Kevin James, for some reason).   And in the dream,  I felt some understanding about beliefs and how we choose them.   The same goes, whether you're a bus driver or a KKK member.   Beliefs are tied to the way we choose to see the world.  Eventually we wear the beliefs so long we become them. 

Believing in things I can't prove DOES have practical application in my life. I am a believer. I don't discount anything just because I can't prove it.  "Lack of proof... isn't proof either."  But I'm starting to see that psychological and emotional comfort are key. Beliefs are comforting. Even the choice to believe in nothing is still a belief chosen because it comforts.  Shirley is comforted by the idea that clouds might be UFO's.  She could be as right as I am wrong.  And the moment this impacts my life, and makes a positive difference, I will open the gates of resistance and absorb that belief.

I don't know who the Cloud UFO's are.  Until I do... I am just going to figure out who I am.  But frankly I'm a bit tired of being preoccupied by the details of our busy and adventurous lives.  My eyes may scan the clouds with more willingness more often.  And I will continue to believe that it's possible to live in a world where people invest more in who they are than in the roles they play.

~Shephard :)





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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Great Equalizer, Deliverer of Justice and Balance






“Seems easier to push than to let go and trust.”  (Indigo Girls, It’s Alright)

(names changed to protect the innocently guilty)

I am not always so good at trusting The Universe to be The Great Equalizer.  I mean, who amongst us hasn’t been impatient or disappointed with the idea of not being able to see what goes around, finally come back around?


I’m a strong proponent of standing up for rights, and for fighting injustice and righting wrongs. So the fact that I let Plumber Joe over charge me, and Plumber Bill make a costly mistake that I had to pay for... was surprising to even me. And then to watch The Universe even things out without me lifting a finger... well, amazing.

Plumber Bill installed our new water softener/purifier (by Pelican, great carbon-based system, and we love it). The next day, we had almost NO hot water pressure but only in the master shower. Plumber Bill (recommended by Pelican) is too far from us to do the house-call, he says, but said it was probably just the carbon build-up from the new system (normal) that needed flushing --any plumber can do it.   So I call local Plumber Joe,  who comes out and charges me $170 to turn on a hot water valve in our (tankless) water heater that Plumber Bill left turned off when he installed the Softener/Purifer.

My normal reaction would be to call Plumber Bill, and make HIM pay Plumber Joe.   But I had this very strong gut response that said NO, DON’T DO THAT SHEPHARD.   I couldn't ignore it; I decided to go with my gut.  Not only did I not try to get Plumber Bill to pay for it, I didn’t even tell them.  I just let it go. Very out-of-character for me.


Two days later:  our hot water pressure in the master shower decreased yet again. Wth?


I call Plumber Bill and told them. He thinks it might be the valve in the shower controls this time. He says he’ll come out (same day).  He comes out… sure enough… carbon from the purifer/softener was clogging a tiny meshy ring inside the hot water cartridge. He cleaned it out. I saw it with my own eyes.  And … he talks to the office (had to drive about 20 miles to us), and they decide NOT to charge me!



I knew it was The Great Equalizer, The Universe, evening things out in a way that was undeniably amazing to me.

Accomplished: problems solved, for about the right amount when tallied, without harsh words, hard feelings or any stress.  And Plumber Bill also installed a faucet for me at no extra cost.  Gained: a sense of renewed wonder and reassurance at the mechanics of the proverbial Universe. Avoided: the opposite of all of the above.


It makes me think twice.
I’ve always believed in picking your battles carefully, learning from watching others who make EACH event a battle (exhausting) that they have to instigate and see through to complete justice.  But … the idea that I don’t have to be the deliverer ALL the time, or be the pusher and instigator and balancer ... is a lovely thought.  

I will of course continue to stand up for what’s right, and speak up and look for opportunities. The point is, I didn't just launch into Victim-Crusader Mode automatically...  I listened, I trusted.  Maybe I’ll be just that much more likely next time... to weigh and trust and question ...and listen to my gut.

~Shephard :)

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Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Melbourne - What a City! -- Part 2 --


Two highlights... Melbourne Zoo (far better IMHO than the Sydney Zoo), and the Melbourne Royal Botanical Gardens!


B and I so enjoyed the zoo... lots of shade, lots of viewing, hands on experiences, beautiful scenery.  


Meerkats... we got so close


Eclectus parots, male and female... or is it female and male?


Zebra


Baby Snuffy...  (I don't know his name, but that's what I'm calling him... he was so cute and playful)


Loved these flowers... 


Everyone's a critic....


 Stripes vs. spots....


This monkey was actually talking on his cell phone while the rest of us were trying to enjoy the primates.


Echidna... he was so in a hurry on his little echidna errands...


There was a massive paddock where you could roam free with the docile doe-eyed Kangaroos... so sweet (NOT to be confused with their leaner, bigger, meaner red cousins).  The big one next to B is the male.




He posed pretty. 


What is this you ask?  It's a kangaroo eating sushi out of a baby stroller, of course.
(but the bigger question is WHY is someone storing their sushi in their baby stroller?)



Melbourne's Royal Botanic Gardens... oof... massive... 


The blazing summer sun lit the everything with a warm light and the trees were so green they seemed to glow! 







B's impression of the opening of Rocky & Bullwinkle... 


Near some sort of sports arena area. 















Swan and signets!  So fluffy!



Melbourne has problems with giant robot catarpillars....



B is hiding... sort of....


Looks like Japanese hydrangea ...


Melbourne is a beautiful, livable, friendly, stylish, well-organized city.  We loved it. 
Stay tuned for Smedley and The Great Ocean Road!


You can see Melbourne Part 1 *here*  



Shephard :)

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Monday, April 04, 2011

Wanted: Friend(s)


Wanted:  An extraordinary friend, must be local, must be established in life, loyal, mature enough to care about things that matter and not about things that don't matter, youthful enough to be silly and have fun, clear head and sound mind, generous heart, minimal manageable baggage, the ability to exchange, listen, relate, take charge, advise and share, with a spirit of adventure and creativity.  Need soon, to replace opening void.

Our good friend has a wonderful opportunity, and it's taking them far away.  You know how it is, when you find a group of people that makes life so rewarding, so fulfilling, so complete in a sense of support, trust and companionship, and you just think, we've found it!  People you can be with, be yourself, and you're just happy to be around them, no matter what you're doing.  A completely relaxed friendship.  With this, we can weather any storm.  And you imagine having this, growing old together.  Sounds silly perhaps, but I totally imagined all that.  It lent a sense of well-being to our future, even if imagined or unrealistic.  

I'm wondering if our mutual friends are having similar moments, quietly, keeping it to themselves, realizing the changes.  There's no denying it's a wonderful opportunity for our friend, and above all else, we want to see our friend happy.  So us being all teary would not be supportive or helpful.   Because that's what truly matters.  There's an L. R. Hubbard quote that defines love as the continual desire to see someone else survive.  So basic. But I'd add more importantly, to see them thrive and surrounded by happiness.  And I hope our friend thrives, and finds wonderful supportive friends in the new locale.  We all need to feel fulfilled and valued and creative and empowered. And I think this change will bring this to our friend in spades. And whatever void our friend is filling, I hope it gives them a wonderful sense of accomplishment and self-love.  

It's so rare for us to find friends to relate to who aren't broken, self-absorbed, or "too busy."   After the 30's, generally those we could most relate to are paired off and married with children.  Having kids leaves little time for friends who don't share the same path (having kids).  So we have a lot of friends who are younger or have chosen a path without kids.  Once people have kids, there's so little time for a 50/50 friendship.

I was talking to another friend, about change, and we both agreed: change does not have to be bad.  We make a lot of assumptions toward the bad... but those assumptions aren't any more likely than the good assumptions we could be making.  


I remember when my sister died, I was oddly comforted by the reassurance that I would never stop missing her, and that her absense would become part of me.  Likewise, our friend moving so far away... is like tethering out a piece of you into the universe... our friend will always out there, and the void is always back here in our lives.  We'll see our friend once or twice a year, I'm certain.  It's not an end to anything, nor is it carved in stone.  It's a change, a duration, a new adventure, more choices, more challenges, more doors opening.  It's The Unknown.

The one thing I know for sure:  the future I felt so comforted by a month ago is no more certain than this fork in the road.  I have faith that the future is always different once you get there. It's never quite as you pictured.  Just like today is a future that I couldn't have imagined last year.  I'm holding to those constants in life, and trusting the future.

~Shephard :)
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Friday, April 01, 2011

Foraging for The Fifties

Or, more generically, Mid Century Modern.


Whenever B has a spare moment not consumed by the projects they keep heaping him with, we become  furniture foragers.   We need the perfect coffee table for our living room:



(the colors are actually a bit softer than they look,
but I had to crank the lights to get my camera to pick up the color)


 
We need legroom... Light carpet + light couch + enjoying dinner in front of the TV
means we sit on the floor to eat dinner, legs under the coffee table.   It has to be able to be used by people on the sofa when we entertain.  And has to be Mid-Century Modern of course.


I was going to show you all tons of choices, and ask your input, but then I couldn't find any coffee tables that met the criteria.  So, what follows is window-shopping and marveling at what other people will actually put in their homes...




I always loved colored woods... esp. milk paint or hand-painted designs.  But we don't have that house any long.  And I've grown bored with it a bit.






Almost. We could get our legs under there. The color isn't too bad for the above room/couch.   But something about it is just too... blocky?






Gah.  No fish.  Kitties would love it though.




Not bad.  We wouldn't need to put our legs under.  White would be ok, cuz the carpet is white.  And we had one of these before and loved it.  But... it looks smallish.   Which is the problem with the current Heywood Wakefield coffee table that we have now.  Right style, right era, wrong size.
 Too much color.  Love them for the right house though.






 Has potential, wrong wood color.






Unique.  Too small.


 Fire + cats + carpet.  Nope.  Wrong color, wrong size, no leg room.




Just fun.


 Yoiks.




 For Sandra :)


 Um. No.


 Pretty colors!  Can't envision this in any home.




Zen tea party, anyone?




We love our electronics... but... not this much.






Not bad. Wrong color.  A little too heavy looking.. could be the color.




Modern Vampire decor.




Multi-family surfaces?




Modern, fun, no leg room.
Still searching.

And lastly... this video... I think I'd scream if I had this thing corruscating at me 24/7. But it's clever.  Video, click *here*

~Shephard :)
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