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Monday, June 27, 2011
No Matter the Soil
Our 10-day whirlwind vacation to see 2 sets of relatives and The Great White Way turned out to be a real roller-coaster. And ... it has me thinking (quelle surprise).
Trying to think... can I talk about this?
I can't mention some details, but there are so many signs pointing my mind to its final conclusion.
I'll just say... 2 sets of unrelated relatives dealing with the same complications that arrise from loved ones getting older and dying/being close to dying. . . and one of the plays we saw on Broadway was about dying. And we recently experienced the death of a major relationship as well.
And then we lost little Golly while we were away.
His kidneys failed him. 9 years old. I share this not to pan for sympathy, because I don't need to .. that little guy was very popular, and the outpouring of sympathy was heartfelt and comforting. I have to laugh at how much that sweet little face captured people who were never lucky enough to actually meet him. The hole left by one little cat is enormous. We've loved each of our furry little ones to pieces, but Golly's passing knocked us for a loop.... too young. There is no making sense of it. His little body lasted 9 years, and we made the most of those 9 years.
We got in an airplane, and our lives were whole and balanced. We had two kitties we loved, and who loved us; it was our little family. And now, we can't seem to put it back together so easily. Our other kitty, Oboe, he's shaken. He hasn't left my side. He's sleeping between my keyboard and screen as I type this. This is the same little yellow guy who never missed a beat during all our many press junkets this last year. His little paw reaches out and grabs my thumb as I type.
You can't tell me he isn't affected, that cats don't feel loss. But that's another topic.
And before we even left... I unknowingly downloaded a novel to read on the plane, called "The Man Who Folded Himself"... which was ultimately about how much influence we have on Time. The way we choose to respond to change... what we can and can't change from now til our death. I am surrounded by what I'm supposed to be learning...and yet I feel like I haven't quite grasped it all.
Loss. It's fear of not being able to feel whole again.
Our lives were full. Our lives are now missing a piece.
I helped B feel better by reminding him and myself.... our lives are the same, we are just weathering a parade of events that are passing us by. But our lives are the same lives.
We just want to feel whole and balanced again. Time is precious. We can't waste it on being devastated by loss. We feel the feelings, embrace the loss, but don't stall out and dig in our heels. . . because that won't return anything to before. "We have to make it count. Make a parade of every moment."
Today is about birth. I looked up some cat breeders, contacted them, and we've started thinking of names. Some little guy out there needs a loving home. And some little guy here at home needs a playmate and sleepmate. We're riding the crest of the waves of what life has brought us...instead of waiting for the waves to die down. We may feel parched, but we will bloom no matter the soil.
~Shephard
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays
posted by Shephard @ 
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Running for Office
I am shopping for fun chairs for my office!
And storage and a couch and a desk.
My office now (above). Aqua walls.
The color is actually a Benjamin Moore color called "Fun and Games."
I am almost sure the sofa will be THIS COLOR below (but this is not the sofa design):
How Well Do You Know Me?
But now I have to find some fun chairs. Chairs will be complementary, but not the same color. Might go white fleather/vinyl. We'll see. Desk in the room will likely be white lacquer. :)
I have found some very interesting chairs.
See if you can figure out which of the following I'm gravitating to:
Confessional Chairs. Um. Ok.
I have to admit, I love this "ball chair."
Bookworm Chair. Cute. Needs an ottoman...
Interesting design.
Vibrant color!
FAIL. blech.
Well, it does look amazingly adjustable and comfy.
These Eames molded plywood chairs are SUPER COMFORTABLE. I love them.
I heart this chair.
I was in love with the idea and look of the Barcelona Chairs.
But... no back support. We sat in one for a while, at a house we rented in Palm Springs, and it was SO uncomfortable after 1/2 an hour. Maybe not if you're 22.
No. Just no.
Love the tailored look of this room.
Potato Bug Chair!! Fun!
Space at a premium?
Manhattan Skyline Chairs. How fun and theatrical!
Color! :) They look happy to me.
Spaceship chair...?
Swan Chairs. Typical Midcentury.
In the right room.... maybe with a white desk.
Elmo Chair! Cute and Muppety.
This is called a Papa Bear Chair.
I hate it. I think it is one of the ugliest chairs I've ever seen in my life.
Fun Pattern. Great for Midcentury. :)
I like the searching process. But... I like the finding process better. So we've hired an interior designer named Ruth from Sydney Australia. She's going to help us make some of our ideas happen! I love the way she thinks ("We can have things custom made for a lot cheaper than designer prices."). The adventure begins!
~Shephard :)
Labels: furniture
Monday, June 06, 2011
Whispers & 2x4's
I read a book when I was just out of high school, by Shakti Gawain.
I think it was called Creative Visualization.
One of the things that stuck with me was the idea that Life sends us messages and sign posts along the way.
First it's an intuitional hit... an impulse to do something, ask for clarity, take care of something, be aware of something, change something. Miss O calls them "whispers."
Then if we ignore those, we start noticing the messages coming from outside us, other people, situations, "coincidences," mishaps caused by ignoring something. Like a tap on the shoulder really.
If we ignore those, we stronger and stronger messages. A nudge, a shout, a shove.
If we ignore those, then comes the 2x4 upside the head (the wake-up call).
Seems like a good system to me. Right up there with Natural Selection.
So I'm trying to remember to check in with myself weekly.
Ask myself... what are my whispers?
REALLY listening.
I've been focusing on really hearing what people are saying.
It's the best short-cut to understanding their actions, motives or choices. Because people do clearly tell you who they are, what they believe, what they want, what they will and won't do, if you pay attention.
Two of my favorite quotes:
"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." (Emerson)
and....
"When people tell you who they are...believe them the first time." (Maya Angelou)
As a writer, I know how important subtext is.
Likewise, I've begun to realize that if I listen to what people are really saying underneath the words, I will be happier. It's not a mystical process. It's just thinking about WHY someone is saying WHAT they are saying WHEN they are saying it. REMEMBERING to do this is the hard part.
I guess I need more Practice People, Wendy. (wink)
My friend Wendy and I like to think of those who challange or inspire us to better choices are our Practice People. Because how else do you get good at doing difficult things other than to practice? We need those challenging or difficult personalities and situations in our lives, because without them, we can't learn to let them roll off our backs. Without practice, we're stuck on the treadmill of dramas and expectations and disappointments.
I want off that treadmill. Fastest way to avoid the 2x4's is listening to the Subtext of Life. The clues are all there in the Whispers.
(P.S..... thanks Wendy... I needed a reminder to define writer jargon: subtext means what is not being said).
~Shephard :)
Labels: Of Mice and Mondays