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Monday, October 03, 2011
The Dowdy Shirt Syndrome
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adj. dow·di·er, dow·di·est
1. Lacking stylishness or neatness; shabby: a dowdy gray outfit.
2. Old-fashioned; antiquated.
n. pl. dow·dies
A dowdy person; a frump.
That's the way I felt when I put on the shirt.
I felt like it looked old and unflattering. I was about to change, when I looked more closely at the shirt I was wearing. Nice color, fabric in good shape, no visable wear or lightened pigment, somewhat flattering (as much as I can expect of a shirt), in truth, it looked okay. But I felt dowdy in it. Why?
It was a year or more old.
I had worn it a lot.
And THAT was the only reason I felt dowdy in it.
Not very realistic or accurate really.
I began to wonder how often this perspective made me see the world unrealistically or inaccurately. Do I do this with other things? Things that seem inappropriate or unfitting simply because I'm used to them...or I've been with them a longer time?
This tendency is so common, we have a dozen expressions that lend themselves to it... "The grass is always greener," "The 7-year Itch," "One man's junk is another man's treasure," etc.
My focus needs to be dusted off and freshened up.
I have a chance to de-gay one of my novels to pitch to a major production company unrelated to The Mouse. I hate to do this... it feels like being pushed back into the closet, or rather, made invisible. But, it's a great opportunity (how many millions of people have uttered those words, I wonder...?).
And then there's my 1st novel... my 1st born, the special one. I still want it to be published. It's really good (based on reading what's out there for gay people, especially). Every time I seek publishers, I am disheartened by their focus though: if it's gay, it has to be porn. Sounds like an exaggeration, doesn't it? It's really not. I need to forge ahead regardless. If I GIVE them something other than the usual, they'll have to make a choice. If I don't give them a choice, they'll never have a choice or an opportunity to stretch. I do myself and future authors a disservice if I don't forge ahead.
It's all perspective. The struggle feels old to me. Dowdy. But... life has surged onward, the world has changed, and I need to catch up mentally and emotionally and socially. Is it dowdy? Or is it just my perspective?
A favorite quote from a oft-overlooked movie with some profound messages:
"We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians. He sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that."
Time to look with better eyes.
~Shephard
posted by Shephard @ 