![[title of show]](http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b285/ShephardSummers/titleofshowsm.jpg)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Dream Boat
Dreams are the source of so much for me... ideas for stories and novels, symbolism, silliness, humor, real lessons, messages, and realizations.
The Dream
There I was in a strange city, and I had borrowed TWO kayaks from a distant friend, and was now needing to return them. On foot. In a city. In the dream, I didn't feel particularly overwhelmed. I decided a train would be a good idea. I ran into two girls I had met recently, one of them very friendly. I remember a feeling of warmth toward them, even the one whose face I didn't pay much attention to. They immediately wanted to help me. But none of us had money for the train. We then decided to take a bus (?). On the way to the bus, I ran into someone whom I had met recently as well... a red haired guy. He was setting up some equipment -- maybe a musician or tech or movie crew? I could feel that he liked me and wanted to be around me. I could see it in his eyes. During none of this did the kayaks ever "feel" like a burden. I woke up.
As always, I pay attention in dreams to how I am feeling about the situation and people, then consider possible symbology. But this dream is obvious to me.
Here I was with a burden to carry, and a task I needed to carry out. I was met along the way by people who wanted to help, and when they couldn't help, yet another person to help. And all the while, I was not worried. My friend Marianna read that kayaks represent emotional balance. I think balance is definitely the message here, evidenced by my lack of any worry or feeling of burden despite having TWO kayaks to carry.
This is The Universe telling me I spend far far too much of my attention and energy worrying about getting things accomplished. I really do... I think about all the things unfinished, and how I'm going to get to them, and how I'm going to make them happen. I obsess about it a bit. But... truthfully... if I reach an impass or am in trouble or need help, there will always be someone there to help.
The fact that the people in the dream were distant, rather than close friends, tells me there is no short supply of good people in the world... (a reason, a season, a lifetime).
Honestly.. it will take a lot of effort on my part to change this about myself. I am a worrier and a planner. Not always the best combo. But I remember in that dream the feeling of not being worried about making the kayak delivery happen. It was just this point on the horizon where something would happen, and I was working forward toward it. My focus was on the moment and the people.
This sort of realization applies to so many things... my novel/getting published for example. I need to quit focusing on the arrival of the kayak, and just get it there. The kayak is about balance. Rather appropriate.
Message receieved.
~Shephard :)
posted by Shephard @ 
Monday, November 21, 2011
No More Rehearsing and Nursing Our Parts
I would love to magically wave a wand of knowledge and impart hard-earned experience to those younger peeps out there... can I call you peeps? Great. A big warm hello, Peeps.
Here's my free advice:
Pay attention to people who drain you and who don't don't love you for who you are.
Stop putting up with the gross-selfishness that masquerades as "obligation."
Stop enabling and indulging those people.
Stop bobbing in the water, and start making waves. Big waves. Waves that send those people packing.
If you have to work with them, or live with them, bide your time. Learn from it. But think about how you feel when you're around specific people. If you feel drained, there's a reason. Listen to your gut. Set boundaries. Make the choices, or they will continue to make them for you.
No one is entitled to the real estate that is your life.
It's yours. And access is earned, not obliged.
"Shephard, what on earth prompted this?"
Well, Faithful Reader, it's been a long time coming, but what trigged my resolve was something seemingly unrelated.
A dear friend of mine took a tumble down stairs, incurring frontal lobe trauma, and has spent a month+ recovering in the ICU. He is recovering, but still has a ways to go. This event was a sobering splash of cold water for me. I love him dearly, I miss him, I am sending him energy daily, writing him weekly, willing that sweet, kind, funny soul to bounce back soon. And he seems to be on just that course. But I realized... my god, life is so precious. I owe it to my dear friend, Marty, not to take life for granted.
Life is sometimes a distraction from living. We hear this all the time: this is not a rehearsal.
We know we should *make a parade of every moment* ... but when you see someone you dearly love come to a grinding hault... your heart is saturated with their reality. It becomes real for you too.
Oh, I know it's complicated.
And I know I'll backslide once in a while when it's something particularly difficult.
I'll chooes my battles, weathering the lesser storms without much concern.
And I'll continue to cut slack judiciously and empathetically to those who don't mean harm.
But I have learned in the last decade to set firm boundaries with the sheep who like to jump them. And what I have to show for this is a relatively peaceful, enjoyable life, surrounded by genuine friends who have become family.
Marty's situation reminds me not to waste Time (captial T) and Energy (capital E).
I feel like I've been rehearsing this part my whole life.
I know me. I know my part. Now I'm ready to go on with the show.
~Shephard
Monday, November 14, 2011
Fog of Gratitude
Sometimes,
Gratitude comes in
like a fog
and gratefully smothers all my worries.
I'm having one of those moments, as I sit in my office.
My new (ish) office.
I wish I could bottle this moment, a moment full of optimism. It makes me so happy to be in here, and to be working on two of my projects. To have an office space that's both cheerful and calming (as some of my friends have noted) really buoys my spirit not matter what I'm tackling. Even better, I finally have a space I can actually share with others, visitors or my writing/creative partners, Kellie and Elissa. :)
I've read many times about how the space you're in can either support or hinder.
I'm so fortunate to have an office I that supports.
The frames on the wall... Pottery Barn Teen... each glass frame pops forward, so you can easily slide in or out the photo that's in it. I can change them as often as I please! I'm using them for playbill covers at the moment. The colored paper between (astrobrite) is actually what I took with me when Ruth and I went searching for the couch fabric. Matched it exactly.
Bamboo floors. Lacquer cabinet and desk and shutters.
Looking back toward my desk, a daylight photo, that shows the rest of the space, and also how much the color of my sofa changes with the light (and my messy desk)....
Yes. That's a real rotary telephone. In aqua. Refurbished. Found in a fab retro shop.
Above, you can see the actual colors of the glass globes on the lamps.
The funky aqua object on the coffee table... is full of candy. :) For guests.
(right, Shephard).
* * *
Another friend is moving away.
Unreal. But. It's likely temporary.
I'm okay, maybe because my other friend in the hospital is finally coming round and healing from the head trauma. So scary. In light of that, everything is so minor.
So today, I have too much gratitude to worry about the future. If I could bottle this, I would, and I'd send it to each of you. But I think that's the trick really... whenever you are sidetracked by worries, finding a gratitude moment or memory is the beacon in the fog.
Thank you all for the comments on the last post. So kind.
I'm fast at work with Kellie on our fun project that we'll be pitching to a very fun and creative movie studio (not the Mouse) very soon. It's a fun adventure for me, and I find that it's liberating in ways I didn't expect. I will likely share those perspectives.... soon.
~Shephard :)
Monday, November 07, 2011
So. Much. Change.
The wind has been sucked out of my sails lately.
I find myself in a lull ... a vacuum..... is this all there is?
I never thought I'd be a person asking that. Because... the all that is, is pretty spectacular.
I have gratitude for what is... yet I miss what was.
I've wanted to write a blog post so many times the last month, and then realized, I can't write that. Normally... I'd be creative about it. I'd find away. But.... well, lack of wind in the sails.
I used to come up with ideas for posts, regular themes for certain week days, etc. I usually manage to turn every life lesson into an opportunity to share and reflect. But lately, I'm just so tired. And I'm not even sure who's listening out there anymore. Because I've been so distracted, and not kept the ball rolling.
I'll share why. Because that's the spirit of this blog.
Lately:
We're finally finished with the exhausting list of house-fixes. They went on too long. I got tired. But there's never anything that huge to do again for the house. So, it was worth it to get it all out of the way.
Losing Golly this year, our dear funny little cat, was so much harder on us then losing our two 18-year old cats last year. I miss him. He was only 10. Way too young.
And adding Chloe-kitten to our house, tho a barrel of laughs, has proven a tad stressful. And her health has been a minor issue stressing us. As is her constant tendency to ransack, pillage and plunder. She's a sweet little thing, despite her mischief, and we are grateful that she pulled Oboe out of his depression.
And adding Chloe-kitten to our house, tho a barrel of laughs, has proven a tad stressful. And her health has been a minor issue stressing us. As is her constant tendency to ransack, pillage and plunder. She's a sweet little thing, despite her mischief, and we are grateful that she pulled Oboe out of his depression.
A dear friend is in the hospital, with a long road to recovery. I think I'm still in shock a bit. He makes me laugh. I miss him. I'm worried about him. We just have to wait it out. But I'm left with the realization that people come and go so quickly, and we really must appreciate them. This year has been a year of loss and gain.
My mom had pneumonia. Yet again. She just turned 82 yesterday. She keeps on ticking. But....
I dread the future a bit... because of all the departures. I need to quit thinking like that.
I generate a lot of support for others. Some weeks, I don't have enough left over.
I miss my friend who moved away.
B is too valuable at work. They just won't let him rest.
I miss my friend who is so so busy.
Yet another friend got a new job farther away... probably won't get to see him much now.
I'm angry at a friend who had a melt-down, and changed everyone's lives. Yet so grateful!
I'm still adjusting to knowing one friend will never really be there. Must embrace that.
So much change.
This wonderful house, it brings me peace. I walk thru it, and I feel myself breathe deeply. Yet... we imagined we'd be sharing with our dearest friends... as it turns out, change has scattered so much and so many. And I remember... oh yeah, I knew I'd have to become the fulcrum to hold us together. I need more energy to do that. I'll find it. I remember just not too long ago... we had a tight circle of special friends. Things feel scattered now. Must pull them together. Because, as I get older... I'm just not willing to put up with all the baggage most people fling around... must cherish the friends who have their baggage under control.
I'm trying. I'm organizing a cruise for next year. Trying to get them on board, pun intended.
So much change.
Some promise on the horizon...collaboration with a dear friend is proving to be a spirit-raiser.
Thanksgiving with friends... will help a lot. Looking forward to that. So much to be thankful for.
Christmas is coming. If you know me at all, you know there's nothing quite like Christmas to add wind to my sails. I saw a pin on pinterest the other day... "Glitter is my Prosac." That may be slightly more true this year. New house, midcentury modern, demands a different style. I'm doing aqua and tangerine and silver and green. Latest quest: must find some tangerine orange ornaments. I already deflowered my local Target of all their aqua oraments. :)
Oddly, I feel better for having shared. Of doubtful use for the reader, but I guess I'm allowed one or two of these posts a year. ;)
I vow to myself to blog more. For me. Or at least not give up on the blog without a fight. :)
~Shephard :)