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Monday, May 07, 2012
Avoid = A Void
Even now, disappointment may be about to knock at my door.
But ... so what?
Last week, a rather surprising realization hit me.
I've spent so many years mastering the super-power of avoiding disappointment, that I made Avoidance my co-pilot. I began thinking of the things I never attempted because I was sure they would fail. But if I'd tried and failed and I weathered the disappointment, I would actually be ahead of the game.
Avoiding disappointment is a never-ending process.
Dealing with disappointment is a temporary process.
When you avoid disappointment, you have nothing to show for it.
When you face the fears and risk disappointment, there is always something to show for it.
Specifically for me, the example is all the things I never wrote because I didn't think anyone would publish them. I succeeded spectacularly in avoiding disappointment. But, it crippled my writing for many years. When thinking about today's up-coming generation of gay writers, I realize they will not have the same fears fettering what they write.
I'm still young enough not to let the "might have beens" turn to regret. Then again, it's never too late for that. For me, it's not too late to write what's in my heart, instead of what I think someone wants to publish.
I have a feeling that will become the seed of the next novel I will write. And maybe the next boundary I push on.
I'm asking some big Life Questions:
Where am I avoiding disappointment?
It's wasted energy.
Like the Borgs, Disappointment commands: resistance is futile. Be disappointed. Embrace it. Push through to the other side. I keep thinking about all the things I would have written. I'd have something to show for every rejection I got.
What disappointment are you avoiding?
Break those damn shackles.
Or what you avoid will become a void.
Or what you avoid will become a void.
~Shephard :)
posted by Shephard @ 
